I don’t know why

A half truth makes a whole lie.
Too many I don’t know whys.
The longer the evasion, the more natural the white lies.
Ever increasing guilt, ever decreasing joy.

God’s Word

Reading the bible really gives me a lot of comfort. It gives me peace, and assurance knowing that He is here for me and He is all that matters. Thank you, Lord.

Protected: A Letter, One Year On

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你要的爱

雖然經常夢見妳 還是毫無頭緒
外面正在下著雨 今天是星期幾
But I don’t know 你去那裡雖然不曾懷疑你 還是忐忑不定
誰是你的那個唯一 原諒我懷疑自己我明白 我要的愛 會把我寵壞
像一個小孩 只懂在你懷裡壞你要的愛 不只是依賴
要像個大男孩 風吹又日曬 生活自由自在雖然不曾懷疑你 還是忐忑不定
誰是你的那個唯一 原諒我懷疑我自己我明白 我要的愛 會把我寵壞
像一個小孩 只懂在你懷裡壞…

Firstfruit

Someone told someone who shared with me a long time ago that, when you put God first, everything else will fall in place. This wasn’t a statement to comfort in difficult times but a reminder, a warning, in good times.

Hearing the different trials and thanksgiving various people experienced in 2018, I could at times see what were the things others and myself may have placed ahead of God. And why things had to fall out of place.

May everything fall in place in 2019. This is my heartfelt prayer.

Farewell 2018

Pain, worthlessness, grief, self-harm; too many dark moments have plagued 2018. I truly wish for a better tomorrow in 2019.

I Wished…

I was a bigger part of your consciousness.

 

Clingy

I died. Got revived. And I woke up a different person. Scarred. Despairing. Looking forward to His second coming.

 

If I wasn’t drowning, I wouldn’t cling on so hard.

Surrender

Today I read that ‘surrender’ is a battle term. And I am battling a lot of things. My fears, my doubts, my inadequacies, my self-worth. And I realise it’s harder to surrender to God one’s disappointments and doubts than to surrender one’s joy and dreams. At least it is for me. I think it’s logical though because dreams drive you while pain eats you.

Everytime we get knocked down, it’s probably survivor instinct that makes us get back up. But sometimes the rate at which we die inside is faster than the rate they recover. It’s a cancer of the heart, soul and mind.

Surrender. We need to learn to surrender.

 

Dylan

Dylan was a friend from dance. On 7 Ang 2018, Dylan decided to leave us at the very young age of 27. The news came as a great shock because whenever I think of Dylan, the image of someone with a big smile would pop into my mind.

His family shared that he had been suffering from depression for a few months but that dance was his happy place and they were happy when he decided to compete in dance.

Dylan took his life on a Tue and it’s sad that his thoughts got so dark that he couldn’t find the peace to hang on till Tue night – when we have social.

As people shared videos and photos of Dylan in tribute to his memory, all I saw was smiles; from him and all who were around him.

Thank you for being the bright spark in the WCS community and I am sorry we were not sensitive enough to see and sustain your happy place in the hours you weren’t dancing.

May the Lord’s peace be with your soul.




September 2019
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