Close Encounter of the 3rd Kind

Recently, a guy friend of mine shared with me that he had the same “touchy” experience like i did at the movies. He went out with this gal (a very platonic friend he swears) and she apparently got a little too close for comfort. She allegedly grabbed his arm a few times, and even leaned her head on his shoulder.
Now, i seriously don’t know why he’s complaining. This gal isn’t bad looking, and don’t guys always say that they appreciate it when gals make the first move?? So why is he so unnerved by it?
Sigh… the only conclusion i can think of is that guys just don’t mean what they say. All they tell u about how they like gals to take the initiative? It’s bullshit ok? Guys still have caveman mentality… if they don’t get to hammer the gal on her head & drag her back into their caves, they just don’t feel shiok.
It’s tough to be a gal.

The unbearable loneliness of being

4:23am. My friend just called & woke me up. I asked him why he was calling me so late. He said that he thought I would be awake ‘cos it was a Saturday. Upon hearing that, i thought perhaps he just got back to Singapore (he’s a pilot) & i reminded him that it was already Sunday, and that i was asleep when he called.

ABC then started rambling on in Cantonese… very unprecise Cantonese and that’s when i realised that something wasn’t right – he was high (but not drunk). ABC was still sober enough to ask me if i was going to church and what time i was waking up if i was. I told him that my church starts at 10am so i’ll probably be waking about 9am.

In his half-drunken rambling, ABC even cussed. This was the first time i’ve heard him swear (ok, i confess, i’m usually the hot-tempered one who may let loose some flowery language when provoked.) We somehow managed to speak about meeting for dinner soon.

4:33am. Our conversation lasted about 3mins. I feel a little disturbed about the whole episode. I used to be rather good friends with ABC (he was my senior in NTU). He is/was a Christian but has backslided in recent years. From the little that we communicate nowadays, i know that his current lifestyle consists mainly of clubbing/pubbing/drinking whenever he’s back in Singapore. It isn’t very healthy and it makes me worry for him. I just sent him an sms to ask if he’s back home safe & sound. He hasn’t replied. I pray that he is.

Somehow i sense that it’s an emptiness inside that pushes him to this current lifestyle. It’s the feeling of being alone in a crowd. Just last night, i met up with some havokers for dinner and dessert. The group decided to split after dinner. I told Zounds that i didn’t feel like going home and i was considering going to Union Square for salsa… but then i realised that while i didn’t want to be alone, going to Union wouldn’t help ‘cos i wouldn’t feel any less lonely than i was. It was at that particular moment that i realised i’m at a rather vulnerable period now emotional. If any eligible chaps were to come along now, i might actually get attached ‘cos i wanted company? With that realisation, it also dawned upon me that only God can quench that loneliness and thirst for a fuller life.

4:40am. I hope ABC is sound asleep now. He has changed somewhat. I miss my old friend. 🙁

Fly Away

Won free tickets to the F.I.R. live showcase at IMM Building, courtesy of Singnet. I’ve always liked some of their songs but was never a real fan. I was sufficiently impressed at the showcase however, to say that if they were to have a concert in SG, i would definitely consider going. I admire all singers who can pull off live performances and i really like the lyrics of some of their songs. Maybe it reflects the different chapters of my life.

The first F.I.R. song that caught my attention was 我们的爱. Here are the lyrics…

我们的爱

歌手:飞儿乐团

回忆里想起模糊的小时候
云朵漂浮在蓝蓝的天空
那时候的你说
要和我手牵手
一起走到时间的尽头

从此以后我都不敢抬头看
彷佛我的天空失去了颜色
从那一天起
我忘记了呼吸
眼泪啊永远不再

不再哭泣

我们的爱
过了就不再回来
直到现在
我还默默的等待
我们的爱
我明白
以变成你的负担

只是永远
我都放不开
最后的温暖
你给的温暖

不要再问你是否爱我
现在我想要自由的天空

远离开这被捆绑的世界
不再寂寞

The song comes from their first album and the lyrics of the song expresses very well certain thoughts i’ve always had.

Recently, F.I.R. released their 2nd album and their new song, 把爱放开 has been getting quite a bit of airplay. This song caught my attention ‘cos it starts off with an acapella rendition of half the chorus of 我们的爱. Very ingenious i feel! The lyrics also “continue the story” from the first song. But in this song, it basically talks about having to let go of an old love. The line i like best in this song is, “这次我决定走出回忆重来” which translates directly to “this time i’ve decided to walk out of my memories”.

把爱放开

歌手:飞儿乐队 专辑:无限

我们的爱过了就不再回来
直到现在我还默默的等待

当你开始追寻你要的自由
放开我们紧握的手
带走我的爱和天空
我不知所措我以为我会懂
我们的爱我们的爱
当我独自走到时间的尽头
回忆和我擦身而过
带走你的爱和笑容
我无力承受最后的一点心痛
我们的爱我们的爱
把爱放开把手放开
如果你的心已不在
把爱放开不再等待
你的温柔是一片空白
把爱放开把心打开
这次我决定走出回忆重来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
啊……
这次我决定走出所有回忆重来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
终于明白爱已不再
从今以后再也没有什么能去依赖
我还有什么期待

One of the last songs (or was it the last? I don’t remember… Zounds do u recall?) that F.I.R. presented on Sunday was, Love*3. A very chirpy song, totally different feel from the two above. I really like the playfulness of the song. Lifts my spirits everytime i hear it! (Yeah, it’s made it to my handphone ringtone! :P)

love*3

歌手:f.i.r 专辑:无限

填词:f.i.r.编曲:奥斯卡

跟我说love love love
大声说love love love
有一天这世界会为我改变
跟我说love love love
love love love
紧握住我的双手勇敢的say it
i love you

闭上了眼睛勇敢的前进没有时间害羞
也许你不懂就是没把握但请别怕心动
因为爱有一种你猜不透的温柔
相信我靠紧我别问为什么

幸福一靠近阴天就放晴跟我一起遨游
一个不小心雀跃的心情已经洋溢心头
因为爱就是你可以任性的理由
相信我靠紧我那就这么做

这世界寂寞太多别吝啬一句问候
是谁说制造浪漫是种罪过
看着我不用多说什么有你最懂我

love love love love love love
love love love love just be with you
love love love love yes i love you
紧握住我的双手勇敢的say it
i love you

And no, i’m not hinting that i’m going to go up to anyone and declare my love… haha. Just wanted to share some nice songs. But this is an indication as to what songs i’ll be singing at my next KTV outing… 😉

(Disclaimer: once i’ve memorised the lyrics.)

The last F.I.R. song is heh… a song i hope i can find someone to sing to someday. (I like the music / instruments used a lot!)

you make me want to fall in love

歌手:f.i.r. 专辑:f.i.r.(飞儿乐团)

you make me want to fall in love
作词:f.i.r.
作曲:f.i.r.
编曲:terence teo

我愿用我有限
的永远

交换曾经快乐
的泪水

穿越不安地带
穿越所有危险
来到你身边

*我有时相信美丽
的预言
却又不想如此
心甘情愿
直到你的出现
才了解这一切
因为你而改变

#you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~
也不管明天会如何
只要今生有你左右
陪着我不再寂寞
you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~
瞬间也可以是永恒
只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中

repeat *,#

就算岁月带你走
就算距离淹没我
还是一直守候着
我会永远为了你存在

repeat #

只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中

I encourage all to get their album. 🙂

Mobile phones are like men…

I’ve been rather disgruntled with my Nokia 6260 smartphone. Not only is it not very smart, it’s really slow and suicidal too (keeps hanging)! Was considering selling it off, as well as my trusty 6230, and getting a 6230i in their place. Zounds pointed out that that would be a minimal upgrade… but seriously, the 6230 has all the features that i want, except for a lousy screen resolution. Hence with the 6230i, i would have all the features i want, plus an even better camera than its predecessor, and with better screen resolution too! The only drawback is that with the 6230i, i won’t be able to log onto mobile ICQ & MSN anymore. And i’ll have to give up my wish for a flip design phone.

Zounds then recommended me the Sony Ericsson’s K750i ‘cos it purportedly has a good camera… but i found the design too manly. What caught my eye was the SE Z520i. The design is exactly the flip type that i’ve been looking for! Unfortunately, the Z520i doesn’t have expandable memory which means its MP3 function is worthless really. (http://www.sonyericsson.com/spg.jsp?cc=sg&lc=en&ver=4000&template=pp1&zone=pp&lm=pp)

After comparing the 6230i, Z520i, K750i and so on, i can only draw 1 conclusion – mobile phones are like men… substance & looks – u just can’t have both.

🙁

My 3rd Regret

No worries… am not in a sad mood. Just felt that it was time to share about my 3rd regret, which is sort of like a combination of the first two…

When i was in TJC, i used to IRC quite often. I used to chat quite a bit with this senior of mine, Lancer. Our paths didn’t cross much in school so we barely talked much in person. But almost every nite, we would chat on IRC. Perhaps it’s precisely ‘cos we didn’t see much of each other in school that made it easy for us to share our thoughts on issues that arose, and our feelings on problems we encountered.

After Lancer graduated from TJC and went into the army, his visits to IRC became more irregular. A year passed quickly and i entered NTU. By then, i had almost stopped IRC-ing completely and thus my friendship with Lancer faded into virtual oblivion. I always told myself that one day… one day, i would get Lancer’s email add from mutual friends so i could add him on ICQ. Actually, i could vaguely remember his email add but somehow this huge procastination stopped me from doing something as simple as a search for Lancer on ICQ.

About 3 years later (i think), i was shopping with azure 1 day when we saw Lancer at Citylink mall. We were both walking quite fast in the opposite direction but when i walked past him, i stopped in my tracks, turned around and exclaimed to azure, “That’s Lancer!”. It was so silly… i actually momentarily forgot his real name and remembered only his IRC nick.

At that moment in time, i was really undecided between running after him to say hi, or to just continue towards Suntec. As his figure disappeared quickly into the crowds, i once again told myself, “Oh well, doesn’t matter. I’ll just look for him on ICQ.”

Sadly, a few months after that, i received a call from azure one night & learnt that Lancer had passed away. That was in Nov 2001. Lancer died of a heart attack while studying for his exams. Azure & i attended Lancer’s wake… we seemed a little out of place there ‘cos we were the only ones not from his clique of friends. But i thought the least i could do was to pay my last respects.

(GASP! I just recalled something! Last week, i saw this guy and thought he looked real familiar… somehow i knew he was from TJ… and now that i’m writing about Lancer, i remember that that guy was a the same table as azure & me at the wake and he gave us a ride home after that!)

Since then, whenver i bump into someone i know, i always ask myself this question – will i regret it if i don’t go up to say hi to that person? Sometimes even if i know just saying hi will not resurrect the friendship, i think it’s still worth touching base… ‘cos it’s really just about letting the other person know that you care even if both of you live in completely different worlds.

There is still 1 old friend that i’ve not contacted for some time now. He’s my good old brother, Scorpio. Scorpio’s another TJ senior that i grew close to over IRC. I remember he treated azure & i to dessert (twice) & Kenny Rogers when he came back to visit us while we were studying for our ‘A’ levels. Oh… he bought me chocolates too to encourage me to study.. haha. (Azure – do u remember this? When Scorpio came to visit us in JC, i was having some remedial maths lesson in the old old LT – LT3 or 4 i think… and u met up with him first, then paged for me and i rushed down once my lesson ended?)

Ok… all talk and no action is no good! I shall contact Scorpio again within the next week. Sure hope he hasn’t changed his mobile number! I think we last met like 2 years back? 🙁

That said, i actually had a very fulfilling past week. Work wise it was quite jam packed with deadlines & viewings… but i’m very glad that in spite of the “hectic-ness” of it all, i managed to meet up with 2 good friends, Adam & Jukebox. I also finally dropped by Airbus’ place to collect the birthday presents he bought for me from the US. (THANK YOU!!) Met some colleagues at salsa last night, and had a really good time with Iceman tonight, downing 2 pints of Hoegarden at Blooie’s & watching Shrek 2.

It was rather stressful juggling my time… but in retrospect, the satisfaction is more than worth the stress. 🙂

Evil UptownGal strikes again!

I just did something really really evil… i sort of tricked Adam into revealing the URL of Superman’s blog to me….

What happened was that Adam told me that Superman found my blog interesting and had a link from his blog to mine. As usual, the kaypoh part of me kicked in and i wanted to read what Superman wrote in his blog. I asked Superman this afternoon if i could have the URL but he said declined saying that some stuff were too personal. I didn’t persist and let the matter pass. Nevertheless, i must add that i was really really extremely totally deeply flattered that someone actually thought my blog was worth reading.

Then just now… as in JUST now, Adam sms’d me to ask if i’ve got the URL of Superman’s blog. I just replied, “nope”. Adam promptly logged onto the Internet and sent the URL to me. I deliberated for a while… should i go see his blog? In the end, curiousity got the better of me and i did.

Saw a short entry where Superman gave his comments about my blog. Very very pleased because it was a huge encouragement to me…*floats away to cloud 9*…. ‘cos this morning, Iceman commented that he finds it amazing how people can share about their personal problems so openly. His statement made me wonder if i should perhaps tone down on what i write… it made me question if it was wrong to blog about personal issues?

Anyway, i think i’ll keep up with this ‘cos it’s a good avenue to air my grievances & pet peeves. Oh yeah, back to Superman’s blog. Why i just gave him the nick Superman… ‘cos i’m SO impressed by the number of things he gets done! This guy is like a super athelete, plays the piano, is starting a KTV routine, dances salsa, has a good reading list, and goes on road trips?! Mind blowing! I’m totally bowled over by his new year resolutions and his progress on them. Gee… i feel ashamed at how i just keep whining about my poor grasp of traditional Chinese when i see the progress he’s made!

So i’m like totally impressed now. I found Superman! If Superman gives permission, i’ll like to do a link from my blog to his too!

Emotional Piles

Long time ago, when i was working in an insurance company, this underwriter used to comment that some agents are like piles – they never go away. I thought this analogy was really apt ‘cos agents can be real bothersome… and as underwriters, it was just so appropriate to use a medical condition to describe them.

I think i suffer from emotional piles. I always upset myself over someone, then i treat it with a bit of logical contemplation and it goes away, only to return not too long after. I’ve been struggling with my emotional piles again the past few months. The condition got better then worse, then better again… it has been quite a rollercoaster ride.

The deal is i like this guy. But this chap obviously doesn’t like me. Was telling a friend, Enix, about it and he thinks that i should just do a showhand before i “throw in the towel”. I was going to do that (that was the wild thing i told azure i might do on my birthday) but decided that i didn’t need my piles exploding in my face (ass… whatever…) so i kept my feelings in check.

I really should have talked to God more about this but i didn’t. Thankfully, i think our Father knows what troubles us and i had a small epiphany tonight. I can’t quite put it in words yet but i think i know what God wants me to do. It boils down to 1 word – trust. To trust that everything works for the good of those who love Him. Or as what someone told me a long long time ago – when you get things right with God, everything else will fall in place. Being a naturally gan cheong person, i often cannot grasp this concept. But it’s ok. God is patient. He has given me extra tuition in this aspect. (God must be Singaporean. :P)

Hence, putting aside the painful emotional piles i’ve been having (the pain doesn’t go away immediately but at least i know nipping it now is the way to go), there’s a more pressing matter on hand!

How the heck am i supposed to react the next time i meet Cuppaccino?! ARGHHHHH!!!! I can’t believe i did what i did! This is soooo bad. Can a person die from embarrassment? My goodness, i may be the first. I totally can’t get over what has transpired man! Words fail me completely. *Bangs head on keyboard*. asdbl;f a;sdfj;’a we’apg’ ‘psap02q3r5

Shared my cringe worthy story with Adam just now and i think he was rather amused. But Adam managed to put a good band-aid on my blistering ego. (It’s like the ultimate malu lor!) He said, “let Cuppa handle it”. Such a simple statement but so profoundly true. Heh… why get myself flustered up right?

With my 2 biggest issues resolved, i think i can sleep soundly tonight. Uh oh… it’s 5:20am now… not going to get much more sleep. I think i’ll need to overdose on coffee again tomorrow…