Statcounter Readings / Innocent bystander

Whoa… someone read through my entire blog last nite… from 1:33am till the wee hours of the morning. My entire archive, all my posts, every single month, the person read through everything. Sigh…I’m “honoured” that someone bothered to read the blog of someone she doesn’t know much about. Month by month, my blog was combed from the latest post to the end of 2005, then from the start of 2005 to the latest post. Unfortunately, i don’t think she read through my blog out of interest. It was probably to garner more ammunition for her vengeance.

Seriously, i have no intention to provide fodder for your personal feud with you know who. I only mentioned your nemesis in 2 posts so far so you really didn’t have to spend so much time searching through everything. And whatever i wrote, i wrote as a bystander. I don’t agree with either party’s actions but i have no right to judge either.

Whatever you fished out of my blog, please leave me out of your personal vendetta. This blog is about ME, and not about you nor your nemesis so please spare me from being caught in any crossfire. Thanks.

Retail Therapy

My my… i was really into retail therapy today. I attacked the malls with just 1 mission – to spend spend spend!

I bought 2 eyeshadows, 1 rouge, 1 lip gloss, & 1 eyebrow pencil from Stila (which i promptly dropped on the floor & the colour stick fell out of the applicator #$%*@). That cost me about $140+ and i wasted $22 w/in the hour! Grr…. I also spent about $182 worth of materials for my jewellery enterprise, and another $120 on clothes.

Sigh… so shiok. It’s been a long time since i really shopped for anything. Did mass buying today. I wondered why retail therapy always works. Maybe ‘cos in executing the therapy, the buyer is in complete control over the situation. I see, i like, i buy. After all, i earned the money. This feels especially good when u’re caught in situations where you have to put aside your beliefs for “the greater good”.

Anyway, i’m damn tired tonight. Gotta sort out all my stuff (ok… maybe not all… but i need to iron that new blouse so i can wear it to work tomorrow), take a shower & koon!!

Being Honest

One of my favourite blogs of all time is Que Pasa. I am always in awe of how the writer manages to be so honest with her feelings online. Her sincere sharings & observations always make me want to read her posts more than once.

Today, the issue about how open should i be on my blog came into question again. Once again, the thought of whether i should delete my entire blog crossed my mind. But i knew i wouldn’t do it. At least not for the sake of saving the face of someone i hate immensely. That’s me i suppose. My bf thinks that i’m too stubborn & i agree. The thing is that before i do anything, i would consider the consequences seriously and once i decide that i’m prepared to bear them, i usually would not veer from the path i’ve chosen to take. Not even if it means my letting my colleagues / business associates read my bitching about them. Like i’ve said before… i quit AIA ‘cos i couldn’t get along with my supervisor, and ‘cos my boss didn’t allow me to take leave to go perform at the West Coast Salsa Congress.

So that’s me… headstrong, wilful, stubborn. However, despite all my stubborness, i’ve compromised on my entries many a times. I have, as Acorn said, practised a certain degree of self-censorship in order to protect people that i care about. More importantly, i’ve exercised restraint from sharing about certain feelings ‘cos i want to preserve the harmony among certain circles of friends that i am with.

Then i’ve thought about going the other extreme – of being totally explicit about my feelings towards certain matters, and to leave the consequences to the wind. Share about how i felt betrayed before, how i hate people who go back on their words, and how i hate the fact that people i love are sometimes subject to unfair sanctions by their superiors. But Acorn & Clown are right. I need to learn how to be subtle, and respect the big picture. Even if the consequences don’t mean anything to me, they might mean the end of certain opportunities for those i love.

This whole exercise of how honest should i be frustrates me. I hate having to curb my actions, especially when it’s to avoid friction with someone i fuckingly (ok, i just made up that word) hate. Add that to many months of cooping up at home and/or going to the showflat on my rest days, i decided i needed some retail therapy…