I, Moron

Sigh.  I exasperate myself all the time.  I always think i’m like so damn freaking cool and hard-hearted when i’m really the most soft-hearted sucker on earth.  I do this to myself ALL THE TIME, like what on earth is wrong with me?  It’s like my rational brain takes over all bodily functions, then i make a decision i know is ultimately right, but i still kick myself over it.

First time i realised this about myself was when i had my first big crush.  I really really liked this guy but he was interested in another gal from my school and what did i do?  I linked them up.  Match-made them.  I, moron.

Second time i did something kick-worthy was with my 2nd bf.  He had a colleague who liked him and after careful analysis, i decided that she was more suitable for him than me.  So i bowed out.  They’re getting married soon (or have gotten married… i wouldn’t know… don’t think she’d invite me) but still!  I, moron.

Then there was the 3rd bf.  Took us 5 bloody years before we got together.  When he first liked me, i said no to him ‘cos i hadn’t had a clean break with my 1st bf.  Then i kicked myself ‘cos he left for overseas.  After we finally did get together, he started having doubts after 2 months.  Being the good ol’ friend i was, i analysed things for him & concluded that he was better off w/o me.  I, moron.

Finally, i met someone very rare.  But logic told me that it wasn’t going to work out.  So i burst the balloon once again.  I’m kicking myself for it now… though i guess ultimately it’s for the best.  Sigh… just that… a batu, no matter how hard on the outside, can also have a very soft core.  But what can i say?  The numbskull ruled.  I, moron.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *