8 Years None the Wiser

When it comes to being platonic friends, where does one draw the line?  I have a very close buddy that i know i can hijack his bed anytime i go to his place… or sprawl ungracefully all over the floor & know that he’ll accept me as always… and that’s ‘cos he’s my “bestest” friend. 

But what if someone offers to take u on free holidays?  No… he does not expect any sexual favours in return… the offer was in all decency… but surely it is not right to accept it?

Does a person’s perspectives & expectations change with time?  How do crushes start?  Why do some infatuations last and not others?  How platonic is platonic?

FCP

Someone once told me that i’m a Female Chauvinistic Pig.  Given that the comment came from a smooth-operating ladies’ man, i would greatly discount what he said.  What i would agree, however, is that i enjoy being self-reliant.  I don’t like the feeling of being dependant on someone for my needs.  I don’t like it when people make me feel as though i owe them a favour.  If it takes so much for you to do something nice, then save it.

After all, when u do something nice and then want credit for it, were u really being “nice” in the first place?  Conversely, if someone lends a helping hand but never took any credit for it… i will be eternally grateful. 

Once again, i realise that i’m not someone that can be tied down.  Be the bigger person… and i’ll gladly stay.

My Latest Hobby

Just picked up a new hobby recently… haha.   That’s friendster surfing.  Yup… the busybody part of me has been visiting profiles of my friends’ friends.  In the process, i actually found the profiles of like 5 friends that i haven’t seen since leaving school?  Haha.  It was good to reconnect. 

The bad thing is… Singapore is really TOO SMALL a place!  My friendster surfing and bitching (my friends and i will surf friendster profiles and then send each other links & comment on the photos we see… heehee) caught up with me!  Was queueing up to enter Dragonfly on Friday night when this guy suddenly came up to me and exclaimed in front of all my friends,

“I KNOW YOU!”

I was stunned and went, “Huh?  Er, sorry, don’t think I know u…”

He thought for a while and said (still in a loud voice), “U’re _______ right?”

I was like, “Er, yeah… that’s me… but i don’t know u… how come u know me?”

And his reply was, “U’re the one sucking on the 2 straws in friendster right?”

Me in a very very meek voice, “yeah…”

Wah piang… i tell u.  I nearly fainted on the spot.  It was freaky man!  Imagine being recognised in public ‘cos i surfed into someone’s friendster profile??  I really had no recollection seeing his friendster profile.

Realised the reason why the next day… it’s ‘cos he doesn’t look anything like in his photo… haha.  And thankfully, we also managed to figure out that he’s my cousin’s uni mate in London.  Haha. 

Oh well, this is really a pointless story… haha… but i thought it was just kinda funny… 😛

Forever Grateful

Over the weekend, i met an old friend i hadn’t seen in years… am really grateful for this old friend ‘cos if it wasn’t for him, i wouldn’t have been able to get an ‘A’ for Computing during my ‘A’ Levels and i wouldn’t have had enough points to get into NTU, wouldn’t have studied insurance, and wouldn’t have ended up in my current job which i love.  So u see?  God works in mysterious ways… and it’ll all link up some day.

THANK YOU WHIZARD!

Happy Days!

I’ve been happy lately.  Good mood, chirpy, energetic.  Haha.  Started a couple of days ago when i finally made peace with a friend i fell out with 2 years ago.  Obviously he’ll say it’s my fault… i guess to a certain degree it is…. but then again… it’s not really?

What happened was this (summarised version ya?).  I agreed to date him… and w/in 10min of saying that, i regretted it… ‘cos i realised that it just wasn’t right to go out with someone only ‘cos he liked u for a very long time… and u didn’t have any feelings of the romantic sort for him?

Anyway, i started avoiding him for like a week or so after that… and when we finally trashed things out, the friendship ended up in the trash too.  He hated me… and we’ve barely spoken to each other in the past 2 years.  Not even on MSN.

But a few days back, i decided to try to make peace… and i messaged him on MSN.  Started the conversation by talking about his pet dog… and the words flowed naturally.  Peace was made.

The next day, he messaged me and we chatted some more… casual stuff… a little bit of catching up, small talk and the like.  Nonetheless, it meant a lot to me.  Because it meant i finally regained an old old friend whom i’ve known since 1998.  Although i’ve never given the friendship much credit here… but… it does mean a lot to me.  So i’m really really really happy about it.

I’ve also made peace with myself recently.  Realised that sometimes, getting to know a friend over the Internet is not a bad thing… ‘cos when u can’t attach a face to the person, all that matters is the quality of the conversation.  U don’t have any pre-conceived notions about the person.  *Shrugs*.  Oh well… life is good.  I’m happy.  Really cherish our friendship, Airbus!  🙂

Deja Vu

“Who is she?”

“She’s ______”

“Oh.”

Sigh…. that 1 word… no, it’s not even a word… just a sound, “oh”, but there was so much encapsulated in it.

Met an old old friend (er, yes, we were together for a short while too) on Friday night as i was leaving MOS.  He was with his usual gang of friends… and i actually recognised most of them.  Sigh.  All except 1 guy whom i hadn’t seen in a very long time… he was the one who asked who i was… and upon hearing my name, he went, “Oh.” 

I pretended not to hear that short exchange and said my goodbyes and left.  I wonder what went through his mind when he realised who i was?  Too much history, too much memories.  But that’s the strange thing about memories.  They have no hold over the present… and have little bearing over the future.  But yet, they can never be erased.  Then again… that’s all there is to it.  Memories.

IM Junkie to the Core!

Whether this works or not would depend on how complex a firewall your office has… ‘cos i realised that sometimes, even if your office firewall blocks websites like www.ebuddy.com, or www.iloveim.com, or webmessenger.msn.com, if u key in the IP add of the URL (instead of keying in the URL address) in the browser, u might still be able to access the page. 

A possible reason for this is that some companies may be using a simple web filter that checks the DNS (Domain Name Server) and blocks “prohibited” sites from there.  If u ask me, i think that’s pretty dumb lah… since u can get around it very easily!  Whatever the case, i don’t care.  Haha.  My end purpose is just to get to the website.

In case u’re wondering how to get the IP address of the URL u want to access, go to Run, key in “ping www.url-u-want-to-access.com -t” and hit Enter.  U will get something like 165.11.22.33.  Key those numbers that appear in your browser and voila!

If all else fails… u can still use those IP hiders… wahahaha.

www.wongfuproductions.com

There’s a group of really talented directors / producers in the US… they just graduated from college and are taking their first full length feature film around the US.  It’s a pity that Singapore is way too far away for them to ever come here… but u can find some of their shorter works on youtube.  Although some of their stuff is a little raw… but i think these guys will go far.  I hope they do.  I respect them for chasing their dreams.  🙂

Check out their website @ www.wongfuproductions.com.

Here are some of their works:

Unspoken Words

 

Yellow Fever (Check out what Phil’s t-shirt says!)

Opportunities Abound

Just wanted to note that things are going well at work.  I’ve been kept busy… having to make quite a few overseas calls even after i come home late at night.  But’s it’s good.  I feel that i belong more now… and i guess i’m not going to get fired at the end of my probation period.  Haha.

The colleagues have been nice… and they’re all on a lookout for a tall, Christian, Cantonese guy who stays in the east for me.  Haha.  Even the big boss knows about it now (he found out during lunch today)… says he’ll make it one of his KPIs (Key Performance Index) to find me a bf.  Haha.  Very funny.  😛

During our dept dinner on Mon, my boss asked the other new guy & me what do we hope to achieve in the next year.  The topic of an overseas attachment (note – posting is when they pay u to go overseas… attachment is when u go overseas but on local terms… purely for self-enrichment).  Anyway, i thought it would be great if i get the opportunity to work overseas… Bangkok or China perhaps?  It definitely won’t be in the coming year… that’s too soon… but perhaps the following year?  I don’t know… but that’s good motivation to work hard.

U know, i suddenly feel like there’s no need to hide behind a mask anymore.  For the first time since i was introduced to the Internet, i used my real name online – for my MSN nick.  Perhaps i’ll soon post photos of myself on my blog… haha…what’s there to hide right?  (Then i’ll just have to password protect the bitching abt my work.  :P)

"Where am I going to?"

It’s been a rather tumultuous 4 weeks for me.  Broke up with my bf, rebounded with a new guy, got un-rebounded, and along the way discovered that i am actually capable of genuinely feeling for another person.  I think i buried that ability to feel some years ago… and it’s ‘cos of that my last 2 r/ships did not work out.

It’s good to realise where we’ve hardened our hearts and to regain the ability to feel ‘cos life would be meaningless otherwise.  For now, i’m just going to focus on gaining some balance in my life.  Not going to jump out of the frying pan & into the fire by getting into another r/ship so soon.  Just want to broaden the scope of my interests & hobbies.

In recent years, i’ve always told everyone that “i just don’t do sports”, that “i’m into more ‘relaxed’ stuff”.  Partially true i suppose – the only things i do nowadays (and even then it’s only on the rare occasion) are salsa & KTV.  Shocking it may be… but i used to be in my school’s table-tennis team… was a decent swimmer… and scored As & Bs in my physical fitness tests in school (ok, except for flex-arm hang).  Eh, i like freaking climbed Mt. Kinabalu before lah!  (Tho’ i don’t think that’s a big deal once u’ve seen the local women carry gas tanks up & down the mountain.)

Whatever the case, inertia has obviously got the better of me.  But i don’t want to “waste” my life away like that… time is short… so i have to use it wisely!  I just learnt how to play pool… and i think i’m picking it up pretty fast… haha.  Boosts my self-esteem… makes me feel good about myself that as long as i’m willing to apply myself, nothing’s too difficult.

So i’m going to really get my ass moving… i’ve arranged to play badminton next week, and i’m going to salsa regularly again… will start playing the piano more often, continue practising playing pool, and i’ll take a plunge in the actual swimming pool too.  Will probably go running once i get a pair of track shoes!!  (Can u believe it?  The last pair i owned was 10 years ago…)

Yup!  This is a written commitment to say – i can do it!!  Doesn’t matter if the papers have condemned my shelf-life to be another 7.5 years.  I’ll get by, i always have before.