Was very anxious earlier tonight ‘cos i wasn’t sure if i should go to the airport or not. But by the end of the Alan Tam concert, my mind was half-made up to go. Sent my aunt and mom home, said a prayer, and went.
Reached the airport at 12:04am. Called his hp from 12:10am to 12:20am but the phone was switched off. Then i thought, heck it. Since i’m already at the airport, i might as well park my car and go to the arrival hall.
Got there about 12:25am… didn’t dare stand in front of Belt 18 ‘cos i wasn’t sure if i should let him see me? The luggage area seemed empty at first… but as the seconds ticked by, i crept from Belt 20 to Belt 18… then i spotted him. Standing in his usual one-hand-on-waist pose, i recognised him back immediately.
Called him another 2 times… phone was on but he didn’t answer – he didn’t hear it. 12:32am. Saw him lift his luggage off the conveyor belt… and i panicked a little… was i being silly? Still didn’t dare approach the exit doors at Belt 18.
He placed all his luggage on a trolley and with long strides walked towards the exit doors. “Oops” i thought ‘cos after he exited, he turned in the direction opposite from me and made his way towards the cab stand.
Hmm… he was alone - parents not with him. I called his name twice before he heard me. I saw the look of surprise on his tired face.
“Hey CG! What u doing here?”, he said.
“Came to pick u up lah!” was my reply.
“No need lah… i’ll just grab a cab” he said as he gestured towards the cab stand.
In mock anger i said, “Wah… i come already now u ask me to go home!!”
“No lah. Very far CG. I’ll take a cab.” He seemed insistent.
“Aiyah, don’t be silly lah. Let’s go”. I placed one hand on the trolley.
“OK!” he chirped.
Wah… that was a quick turnabout! Haha… not that i minded of course.
So it was a ride to the land where birds do not lay eggs. I chatted almost non-stop to his questions. Guess there were a lot of things that happened in the 9 days he weren’t around that i wanted to share with him.
He only got to tell his side of the story in the last 1/3 of the journey. Didn’t shop much, worked from 8pm to 3am every night… but “nonetheless it was a good trip” ‘cos he managed to do a lot of thinking.
Argh. With bated breath i asked him what did he think about? Was it career stuff? He paused. My heart sank a little. He replied it wasn’t just about career but about his life.
The memory of us having lunch before he left and him saying “a lot of things need to be decided when i’m back from the US” flashed through my mind. It was a long breath i held.
I didn’t want to broach any sensitive issues… ‘cos… i didn’t know what sort of outcome i wanted anyway… so i asked, “So will u be changing industries or something soon?” He said he wasn’t probably… but he did decide to be more committed in his work….
The conversation then moved away to other stuff. After we got to his place, i wanted to just drop him off and leave. Said he didn’t need to unpack his luggage to pass me my coach bag. But he asked me to help him carry a bag up so i did.
Got my coach bag (which was nicely wrapped in a gift box) from him but the joy of finally getting the bag i wanted was clouded by my worry about him going into reverse gear. I didn’t even get any sugar vibes from the See’s candies he bought me.
He showed me all the DVDs he bought and told me which ones i needed to watch as part of film ed. But as i left, he mentioned that film ed will have to be “scheduled”. Nevertheless, that eased my heart a little. At least we were still going to see each other.
Ultimately, i still don’t know what i want out of “us”… and scheduled film ed is a good way of buying time. When i figure this out, i will muster the courage to start asking questions… especially questions that at this point of time, i am just not prepared to hear the answers to.
Ok now, *breathe*.
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P.S. He said he was going to rest tomorrow, then meet ”C” in the east… and will give me a call. Maybe we could meet up. Sigh… guess Hilda’s going home! *Sniff
Wait… i take that back. Better for Hilda to go home than for us to have the “talk”. Trepidation is the word.
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