VIP Pass Expired

I guess my VIP Pass expired.  Supposed to meet HD at Rail Mall at 6ish later… and he said “but it’s damn far for you”.  Wow.  After ALL our film ed nites at birdland, Rail Mall is too far now?  Since when did we go back to all this courteous small talk?

Never really spoke to anyone from church about HD and me… whatever they know, would be whatever they read from this blog.  Which really contains snippets of what has transpired and not the full details.  Sigh.  Finally decided to tell Chewbacca about it.  Chewbacca is good ‘cos he’s such a nice person and he always helps me put things into perspective. 

Chewbacca asked if there was really something going on between us… or was it just my perception.  Without me listing all my “members’ privileges” here, i can only say that it’s definitely not my own perception.  Anyhow, the conclusion i got from our sms conversation is that i should have spoken to HD about us much earlier.  Since nothing was ever verbalised, who can fault the other?

Sad truth huh?  It’s like having your season parking lot taken away from you ‘cos management decided not to let you renew it and next thing you know, your car’s out on the road.

Choice was mine, consequences are mine too.  The reason why i did not want to talk about the issue earlier was ‘cos i was afraid it was premature to talk about things and i would put too much pressure on it and ruin everything.  Now, i guess all the steam’s lost.

Hope HD doesn’t back out of meeting up.  Sorry, let me re-phrase that.  I hope the rx8 doesn’t decide to back out.

And don’t call me CG anymore.  That name only comes with the holder of a VIP Pass.

__________________________

Oops… just realised i never explained what “VIP Pass” means.  Well, Iceman would know about this best.  Once, after golf or tennis i don’t remember but Iceman and Mr. Abandoned adjourned to HD’s place for fruits after dinner.  They started hanging around and nua-ing and HD completely ignored them and started doing his own stuff.

Next thing i knew, i got an sms from HD saying “get the hint!” ‘cos he was giving them a black face and ignoring them totally but they were not budging.

I then asked HD what would he do if i were to overstay my welcome one day.  He said he would never throw me out of birdland and even if he wanted to, he would have to sms me, to tell me to get out.  Sigh.  Yeap.  That was my VIP PasT.

But all good things must come to an end.

Serial Liar?

Wanted to post this last night but i fell asleep.

Got an sms at 1:42am from J-san.  Said he just got back from Union Square and that his salsa sucked.

I replied saying that Cass from Eon Canteen says hi.  J-san went, “Oh u mean she’s back from overseas?”

I told him, “Don’t bluff.  Cass said u contacted her already.”

Of ‘cos he held his stand about not knowing and said things like, “Maybe i should give her a call and ask her to come to my place.”

Duh.

This isn’t the first time i’ve called his bluff.  A few times before, when he complained that another gal in the office, Cynful, was “harassing” him, i also found out from Cynful that he had been sms-ing her to find out more about Cynful’s friend?!

Desperado.

Also heard that he made off with some Vietnamese chick after a group of colleagues went clubbing on the Sunday night we were in Ho Chi Minh.  Yes, yes, he’s single, he can do what he wants, it’s not my position to judge.

But combined with all this lying, it says a lot about a person’s character, no?

But Guess We’ll Cry Come First of May

 

This blog is reaching 2 years old.  Lots of tears, hurts, joy, laughter, and painful lessons have been recorded here. 

Was a rainy morning i woke up to.  6:55am.  I tried to go back to sleep but my thoughts were too loud to ignore.  Hilda was comforting to hug but then i remembered that she’s borrowed comfort.

Felt an incredible urge to talk to Superman.  Was going to send him an sms to see if he was available to chat ‘cos i knew he would be in office at the time (Seattle is 15 hrs behind Singapore).  Then i saw a msn chat flashing on my taskbar.  Message from Superman.  (And u wonder why i call him Superman!)

Short chat.  Told Superman that i couldn’t control not contacting HD anymore.  I think even if i’m been red-carded, i need to know why.  So i didn’t cash in when the stock was high… now that it’s crashed, i would like to know the answer?  I don’t want to hold onto a worthless piece of paper and draw empty comfort.

Superman said that if i could deal with things now, then i should go ahead.  He didn’t have to say much i guess… i just needed someone to listen to what i wanted to say.  That was enough. 

Sms’d Iceman who was on the way to play golf.  Found out in our short chat that HD was supposed to go to the course with them today but backed out last minute saying that work came in from the US and he had to go to the office.  We have our doubts.  He works from a laptop and his 2 admin gals aren’t in office today.  EVEN if he had to work, it would be from home.

Mr. Abandoned suggested to Iceman that perhaps it was ‘cos of me but Iceman… well, basically told him to shut up this time.  (Way to go Sayang!)  Yeah, pre-US trip, i may have been the cause… post-US?  Nay…

Some have told me that i shouldn’t jump to conclusions but no matter how busy we were in the past, we would still meet up, even if just for 15min.  Just for a short chat.  Those were the so called “hou happy times”.

Sent an sms to HD to see if he’s awake.  He hasn’t answered.  I will ask my questions this time. 

I feel more at peace already.

But Guess We’ll Cry Come First of May

 

This blog is reaching 2 years old.  Lots of tears, hurts, joy, laughter, and painful lessons have been recorded here. 

Was a rainy morning i woke up to.  6:55am.  I tried to go back to sleep but my thoughts were too loud to ignore.  Hilda was comforting to hug but then i remembered that she’s borrowed comfort.

Felt an incredible urge to talk to Superman.  Was going to send him an sms to see if he was available to chat ‘cos i knew he would be in office at the time (Seattle is 15 hrs behind Singapore).  Then i saw a msn chat flashing on my taskbar.  Message from Superman.  (And u wonder why i call him Superman!)

Short chat.  Told Superman that i couldn’t control not contacting HD anymore.  I think even if i’m been red-carded, i need to know why.  So i didn’t cash in when the stock was high… now that it’s crashed, i would like to know the answer?  I don’t want to hold onto a worthless piece of paper and draw empty comfort.

Superman said that if i could deal with things now, then i should go ahead.  He didn’t have to say much i guess… i just needed someone to listen to what i wanted to say.  That was enough. 

Sms’d Iceman who was on the way to play golf.  Found out in our short chat that HD was supposed to go to the course with them today but backed out last minute saying that work came in from the US and he had to go to the office.  We have our doubts.  He works from a laptop and his 2 admin gals aren’t in office today.  EVEN if he had to work, it would be from home.

Mr. Abandoned suggested to Iceman that perhaps it was ‘cos of me but Iceman… well, basically told him to shut up this time.  (Way to go Sayang!)  Yeah, pre-US trip, i may have been the cause… post-US?  Nay…

Some have told me that i shouldn’t jump to conclusions but no matter how busy we were in the past, we would still meet up, even if just for 15min.  Just for a short chat.  Those were the so called “hou happy times”.

Sent an sms to HD to see if he’s awake.  He hasn’t answered.  I will ask my questions this time. 

I feel more at peace already.

Both Sides Now

 

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say “I love you” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost but something’s gained
In living every day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From WIN and LOSE and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

Materialism is a Form of Self-Preservation

I’m 3/4 sad, 1/4 pissed with HD.  What does “film ed must be scheduled” mean?  Am i supposed to conveniently fit into someone’s schedule now?  I would accomodate if i’m asked nicely. 

But now?  Keep up with the disappearing act any longer and i shall take the coach bag as my birthday present, and Hilda as my farewell gift.

Should not have let things gone beyond the 8th week.  Stupid me.

When Flask said i was “materialistic” in buying the N95 today (got a great deal from Nokia – paid $688 for the phone w/o line, when i traded in my N73), my reply was, “single women near 30 look for comfort in material stuff”.

At least my hp won’t do a disappearing act right?

When i configured my new hp, i assigned a special ringtone to HD.  Nope… not the song “Chasing Cars”, but “Irreplaceable”.  How apt.  He was the one who intro’d the song to me.

Bleah.  I am not happy.