dearest fans of mine,
i had a most harrowing experience yesterday. i was bunnynapped! at about 6ish yesterday (Monday) evening, i was having my usual grass snack at my backyard when i was bundled into this horrible old container. i was transported in some boucy vehicle and brought to this cold, clinic-like holding area. the place smelled funny… i could detect the stale scent of cats, dogs, bunnies, hamsters and all sorts of other animals. many must have suffered there…
while in the holding area, i was guarded by a weird looking dog. it had the face of a labrador but the body was thin. it kept coming close to the container that held me prisoner and i feared for my life. was the weird looking dog going to eat me? why did it keep smelling me? was it going to disfigure me out of jealousy of my good looks?
it wasn’t before long when i was brought into a room. the door to the container was opened and a pair of strong hands reached inside and tried to lift me out. i stiffened my body and tried my best to use my paws to latch onto the opening of the door. i refused to come out… but the pair of hands were strong. i lost the battle and was yanked out of the container.
once outside, i tried to make a run for it. i was placed on a cold steel table and i tried to leap off rightaway. with my fantastic jumping skills, i knew i stood a good chance of landing on the ground uninjured. (pun unintended). just as i was about to leap off the table, 2 pairs of hands pinned me down. i struggled for my life. the stronger pair of hands scooped me up immediately. i refused to go down without a fight… and so i gave it all i had… i scratched, kicked, struggled, sommersaulted, contorted my body and so on. but my brave attempt was futile. the best i did was to inflict some injury onto the hands that tried to hold me down, and scratched the face that belonged to the hands.
still, i lost and was pinned down onto a lap. my neck was held in a tight vise-like grip. i didn’t dare struggle further for fear of breaking my neck. as i was pinned down, a strange face bent itself near my face… and a pair of eyes stared into my right eye. i wanted to spit at the face. how dare that human hold me prisoner! i am the king of rabbits, worshipped and adored in both the animal kingdom as well as among homo sapiens. the audacity of these bunnynappers!
it worked. my icy cold glare that threatened annihilation worked and i was soon released back into the carrier. i crouched as deep inside the carrier as i could. i could only hope to be rescued. damn those servants of mine… i wondered if it was an inside job.
someone must’ve paid the ransom for me ‘cos i heard the strange face proclaim that it wasn’t permanent and i was free to go after the drugs were paid for. i heard a credit card being swiped and soon, i was back in a bouncy vehicle.
when the container’s door opened again, i was back home in the backyard. my mommy was so glad to see me. she sniffed me all over but what i really needed to do was to shit and pee. i used my mommy’s toilet. it felt good to be back in the safety and sanctity of my mommy’s toilet. (didn’t want to dirty my own u know).
my maid then came out and started coo-ing at me. worry must’ve gotten into her head. she was acting stupid… talking to me as though i was some small kid. grow up girl. i turned 1.5 years old that day. her coo-ing was ruining my macho image.
couple of hours later, my chauffeur came and dropped some liquid into my right eye. it smarted. but i pressed on. my spirit is unbreakable. i think i’m going to get some kidnap and ransom insurance. it’s getting more dangerous in these parts of the world… especially when u’re as famous and valuable as me.