Iceman and I completed my church’s Wedding Preparation Course (WPC) over the weekend. Before we started the course, a friend who attended another WPC with Touch Community said that her bf and her found out a lot of things about each other that they didn’t realise before. She encouraged me to attend a similar course ‘cos she felt it would be useful for all couples considering marriage.
Well, I don’t think I found out anything new about Iceman that I didn’t know already. But I guess that’s a good thing. Haha. What I did take away from the 6 sessions were 3 things.
First, it’s important for a married couple to always present a united front – whether in front of parents / in-laws / children. The couple should always discuss things with each other first, before broaching the issue with others. It’s important not to let other people (kids / parents) play off 1 spouse against the other.
Second, bringing the emphasis on unity a step further, one of things that may be a potential cause of division is money. How does a married couple handle their finances? Before attending the WPC, Iceman and I thought that the best way would be for the couple to contribute a pre-agreed sum to a joint account, while individual expenditure will continue to come from the individual accounts.
But now I see the potential pitfalls of this. What happens if 1 party earns considerably more? Will there be feelings of unhappiness if both parties still contribute the same amount to the joint account? Also, for the non-big ticket items (assuming big ticket will be paid from the joint account) items like daily meals, shopping for necessities, etc, who pays for these? After all, every time 1 party forks out money from his/her individual account, there may be a potential issue of "if I pay for these items meant for common use, then I’ll have less money to spend on myself". Or it’s like how some parents will tell their kid, "Go ask your mommy/daddy to buy the toy. She/He’s richer". That doesn’t sound very nice does it? Money should not be something kids use to manipulate their parents… and we all know how manipulative kids can be (hey, we were like that too ok!)
Most importantly, the joint account should not be seen as an obligation to be fulfilled. Just ‘cos I contributed my "quota" for the month, the rest of my pay should be used on myself only. This creates feelings of selfishness and individualism which I guess just isn’t very helpful if you’re taking the pro-unity stand.
Third, I think the loving environment which our course moderators created for their family, esp. their 4 daughters in their growing up years is something worth emulating. It’s hard to put in words but when you see it for yourself, you will realise that this is Christian love indeed.
Not that my parents were bad in any way. But I suppose we always want to do better for our own families (with kids or otherwise) and that loving environment is something special. With all the divorces going around these days, it’s comforting and reassuring to know that if you work at your marriage and guard it, married life can be good.
Anyway, it was an extremely enjoyable 6 sessions. Thought it was best for me to jot this down so I won’t forget the 3 things that struck me the most. Heh. And if anyone who reads this is thinking of attending a WPC too, I would encourage you to go for it. 🙂