Dance like no one's watching

Memory. All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days,
I was beautiful then.
I remember the time I knew what happiness was,
Let the memory live again.

while searching for my baby photos, i found a lot of old cards that friends had written to me many years back.  i had forgotten that i used to write to this girl in my ballet class who went on to study at a boarding school in UK.  the last time i saw her was at Wisma Atria… about 4 years back.  she was working with SQ then.  i wonder how is she now. 

i also came across letters that my pri school classmate wrote to me when she was back in Indonesia during the school holidays.  we drifted apart in secondary sch and i completely lost touch with her when she was expelled from school.  i wonder how is she too.

i also came across numerous cards & letters of encouragement written by church friends, and many many photos from Senior Sunday School camps, youth choir days, and carolling performances.  i was surprised at the number of photos i took with some friends, and saddened by other photos because i’m no longer close to these friends anymore.  recalling how we grew up together, i wish i am able to revive these friendships.  in my struggle in finding acceptance sometimes, i think i have forgotten their kindness.  perhaps when friends get too close, they take one another for granted, and i have sadly remembered the hurts more than the joys.  i know i tend to shy away from people when i feel left out and i’m very good at building a shell around me.  when i’m truly hurt by a friend’s actions, i tend to bury my sadness and present a nonchalant front, especially when this is necessary for keeping peace.  this is not good.

3 realisations i got while searching for old photos leave me unsettled.  the first is that many many of my old photos were taken with Fuzzy Pillow & Littlewee.  i’ve been trying to contact Fuzzy Pillow w/o success to invite her to the wedding.  Littlewee can’t make it, unfortunately, and hasn’t contacted Fuzzy Pillow in a long while too.

the second was a letter written by a very close friend previously.  i don’t know how we drifted apart but i feel bad because i think i haven’t done my part in being a friend, and i don’t know if it’s too late to repair the friendship.  i get the feeling that my friend isn’t happy about something but is not saying it.

the third is a friend that i never really thought of much before because we’ve never been particularly close… but i’ve taken an amazing number of photos with her!  perhaps she has always been faithfully around church and serving quietly such that i’ve failed to appreciate her character and faithfulness to the Lord.

revisiting memories is good.  i will try to do something about this.