The Short & Long of It

Read the last post about KM’s Jap and short tongue story?? This is part 2…

BM to KM: Today we met a Japanese from the bank. Surprisingly, he has a long tongue.
KM: Really? U asked him that??

(I nearly fainted when i heard this)

BM: Of ‘cos not… (pauses)… Small Fry (me) went to find out.

KM keeps quiet… at a loss for words.

BM: No lah. We could tell ‘cos he was talking normally.

KM: Oh ok…

u are what u eat

yet another afternoon highlight.

——————

Bigmac: so what’s Mr. Suki like in person?  is he a nice person?

Kid’s Meal (KM): he’s quite nice.  but his English is like different.

Bigmac: well, most Japanese speak English a bit strangely.

KM: no.  i think it’s ‘cos Japs have short tongues.

Bigmac: really?  i wouldn’t know… i’ve not kissed one before.

(KM pauses.  i thought that was a damn good reply.)

KM: no.  i think it’s the food they eat. 

(food they eat?!?!).

——————

i have strange colleagues.

Shenzhen is in Taiwan

it’s 4:25pm. everyone’s in holiday mood in office. am working very very slowly, waiting for the day to end so we can leave for our Christmas dinner. really really sleepy.

suddenly, Kid’s Meal turns to me and says…

KM: is Shenzhen in HK or in China ah?
Me: (with a look of digust – couldn’t help it) China lah.
KM: oh… was confused where it is.

good grief!

The Art of Eavesdropping 2

I remember another time when Booze Queen, Xiao Lao Shu and i were chatting about Facebook and Fighters Club in office. We spoke in half sentences because we didn’t want other people to know what we were talking about… at least they could only speculate… but not be sure what we were referring to.

So we were talking and laughing (this was after office hours, btw) when we saw Smarties grinning and attempting to look over XLS’ shoulder (to see what’s on her monitor). BQ couldn’t resist and said to Smarties, “Why are u smiling? Do u know what we’re talking about?”.

Smarties’ brillant reply was, “No leh… but i find what u all are saying very funny”… and he continued grinning!

Unable to resist, i said, “U mean u have no idea what we’re talking about, but yet u can laugh about it?”

“Ya. Hahaha. Very funny leh”, replied Smarties.

At this point, i gave Smarties my best u-are-damn-freaking-weird look, exchanged glances with Booze Queen and XLS, and we all kept quiet and reverted to using MSN to continue our conversation.

Sheesh. What’s wrong with all these young people nowadays man! Tsk tsk tsk.

daily dose of kid’s meal

sometimes i just feel like screaming – i cannot take this anymore!!! 😛

bigmac (quoting me): for a person who doesn’t snack, u hv a lot of food on ur table.
kid’s meal: but it’s chocolate.
me: but chocolate also considered snack what!
kid’s meal: is it?
me: YA! if choc is not snack then what is it?
kid’s meal: i thougt it’s happy food.
me: snacks are happy food what!!!
kid’s meal: oh ya. i guess it is.

*pengz*

Tian Mi Mi

It’s been a long week… everyone’s busy, stressed, and definitely lacking of sleep. But something happened today that just made our day.

About 5:40pm, Bigmac, Kid’s Meal and i were chatting about some stuff (the memory of which has been totally obliterated by what happened next) when i saw Fei Zai and Solo (tall and big-size colleague who sits opposite me at work) leaving office together. Solo was holding his helmet.

Bigmac: Eh, u guys leaving together ah?
Fei Zai: Yeah.
Me: So romantic!
Fei Zai: Yeah, i get to cuddle Han.
Me: Ooh… warm fuzzy feeling…
Bigmac: Shit. what if Solo feels something against his back…

(Bigmac and i laugh out loud at the thought.)

(Kid’s Meal looks puzzled.)

Bigmac to Kid’s Meal: U know, when guys ride bikes, they don’t like to sit too close to each other.
Kid’s Meal: What sort of bike?
Me: *Jumps back in shock as my voice goes up an octave higher* Motorbike lah! What kind of bike did u think it was?
Kid’s Meal: Oh. i was wondering if u all were talking about bicycle or motorbike. I thought maybe they sit those double-seater bicycle…

Applause please.

Stupidest Person in Eon Award

Azure and i were taking the MRT home 1 day when she suggested that i should start a category on my blog called "Kid’s Meal" and list down all the stupid things that Kid’s Meal says on a daily basis.  But before i got down to it, there’s now a challenger for the Stupidest Person in Eon Award!

This amazing challenger is from Booze Queen’s dept.  We call him Smarties ‘cos of his "brilliance" at work.  Anyway, here’re the various incidents that resulted in us nominating Kid’s Meal and Smarties to be the top 2 contenders for the prestigious, abovementioned award.

 

Kid’s Meal’s Top Nominations:

Incident 1

At the Bali Conference last month, we were made to sit with various colleagues from around the region.  On the first day of the conference, we were given 3 minutes to talk to the person next to us, after which we were supposed to introduce that person to everyone else. 

Kid’s Meal (KM for short) was paired with a colleague from Malaysia.  A Senior VP if i don’t remember his designation wrongly.  During her introduction, she said…

KM: FC is from our M’sian office.  I was very surprised just now when FC told me that he’s English educated.

(Stunned silence around room)

KM: ‘Cos i thought all Chinese in Malaysia are Chinese educated.  Hur hur hur.

(Another round of stunned silence as i buried my head in embarrassment that Kid’s Meal is from my dept).  Sigh.

 

Incident 2

During one of the dinners at the Bali conference, this conversation took place.

KM to Indian colleague: Which part of India are u from?

Indian colleague: I’m from Mumbai.

KM: I see.  Is Bombay also in India?

(When i heard this, i couldn’t control myself anymore.  I turned to KM & said…)

Me: Er, Mumbai IS Bombay?  It’s the new name…

KM: OH IS IT?  I didn’t know that!

Me: Er, did u know that Ho Chi Minh is the new name of Saigon?

KM: Really????  Hurhurhur.  I didn’t know that.

Me: Technically speaking, HCM covers a slightly larger area than Saigon but it’s essentially the same place… Then did u know that Sri Lanka is the new name for Ceylon?

KM: I didn’t know that either!!!!!

Gee… i wonder why when that Indian colleague called my office to ask for my mobile no. (in case he needed to contact us for urgent matters) as well as Bigmac & Beanstalk’s… he didn’t ask for Kid’s Meal…

 

Incident 3

This one takes the cake.  Real shocker to me.  At lunch during the Bali conference…

KM: Why aren’t u eating today?

Me: Got diarrhoea lah.  No appetite.

KM: Diarrhoea?  Is it ‘cos of the food last night?

Me: No lah.  The food’s ok.  Nothing to do with it.  Got my period lah.  Always kena diarrhoea when i get my period.

KM: Oh… i see.  I’m not used to getting my period too.

(I was shocked.  U’re freaking 22 years old and u’re not used to getting your period?!?)

Me: Huh?  What do u mean by that statement?

KM: Ya… not used to the fact that i get my period lor.  I get my period regularly but i envy my friends whose period are seasonal lor.  But i know that’s not good lah.  Not good for giving birth right?

(At this point, i was stunned into silence.)

 

Incident 4

We were having a "Specialty Group" lunch one day and so there were like 12 of us at this restaurant.  Due to the large no. of orders, it got quite confusing who ordered what whenever a dish arrived. 

Waitress: Dry egg noodles with chicken?  Dry egg noodles with chicken?  Who ordered the dry egg noodles with chicken?

KM: Is it dry one?

(Bubbs had such a stunned expression on her face i burst out laughing.)

 

Smarties’ Top Nominations:

Incident 1

Smarties was hired to help Booze Queen and her boss in their work.  So BQ’s been teaching him how to do the admin stuff, etc. 

BQ: When we calculate interest, we go according to the exact number of days.  So for next year, u’ll have to divide over 366 days. 

Smarties: Why 366 days?  Are there 366 days in a year?

BQ: Er, no.  There’re 365 days in a year but next year is leap year so there’s 366?

Smarties: Leap year?

BQ: Ya… every 4 years there’s an extra day in the year?  29th Feb???

(When Booze Queen told us the incident during lunch, we came up with this theory.  Maybe we should tell Smarties that the Leap Year came about ‘cos of the Olympics… it was specially created for it…)

 

Incident 2

I was on leave today… but BQ’s sms cracked me up…

Her sms said:

"Smarties asked me… U know how many days are there in a month ah?  I replied yes.  He gave me a shocked look."

Hehehehehehehehe.

 

I always thought Kid’s Meal was stupidity redefined.  A pedigree ignoramus.  But Smarties seems to taking over her position!!