Leaving No Stones Unturned

I think i’ve left quite a few cryptic posts here recently.  The reason is that i’ve been thinking of breaking up with my bf for some time now… since May… since the post about the cheng teng dessert… and i finally spoke to him about it.  At first i wasn’t sure if i was making the right decision but the more things unravel, the more certain i made the right choice.

It really irks me when people try to use emotional blackmail on me.  Yes, it may work for a very short while, while my heart’s still a little soft and i may give in a little… but the minute it becomes clear that it’s emotional blackmail, i get very put off.  Never ever play the sympathy card… plus sympathy is not love.

I have also met someone new recently.  His profile pretty much fits my ideal type and he’s not a bad person.  Really not (Senior from 07/95, i get what u mean now).  He’s not the type who would intentional hurt a person.  However, after a very honest & open chat with him, i realised that his character / personality is exactly like my Qingfu’s!!  So i concluded that we’re the type who would make fantastic friends, but that’s all there is to it. 

Damnit!

I, Moron

Sigh.  I exasperate myself all the time.  I always think i’m like so damn freaking cool and hard-hearted when i’m really the most soft-hearted sucker on earth.  I do this to myself ALL THE TIME, like what on earth is wrong with me?  It’s like my rational brain takes over all bodily functions, then i make a decision i know is ultimately right, but i still kick myself over it.

First time i realised this about myself was when i had my first big crush.  I really really liked this guy but he was interested in another gal from my school and what did i do?  I linked them up.  Match-made them.  I, moron.

Second time i did something kick-worthy was with my 2nd bf.  He had a colleague who liked him and after careful analysis, i decided that she was more suitable for him than me.  So i bowed out.  They’re getting married soon (or have gotten married… i wouldn’t know… don’t think she’d invite me) but still!  I, moron.

Then there was the 3rd bf.  Took us 5 bloody years before we got together.  When he first liked me, i said no to him ‘cos i hadn’t had a clean break with my 1st bf.  Then i kicked myself ‘cos he left for overseas.  After we finally did get together, he started having doubts after 2 months.  Being the good ol’ friend i was, i analysed things for him & concluded that he was better off w/o me.  I, moron.

Finally, i met someone very rare.  But logic told me that it wasn’t going to work out.  So i burst the balloon once again.  I’m kicking myself for it now… though i guess ultimately it’s for the best.  Sigh… just that… a batu, no matter how hard on the outside, can also have a very soft core.  But what can i say?  The numbskull ruled.  I, moron.