Protected: Driven vs Pragmatism

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Singapore GE 2020

The 13th General Elections took place last Fri, 10 Jul 2020.

I’ve been quite apathetic this elections honestly. I used to get really annoyed at people voting for the opposition just for the sake of having an opposition in parliament. I always felt strongly that you should vote for a party that’s capable enough to govern. Or maybe vote for the candidate whom you believe would best serve your estate/constituency.

But after 10 odd years, I’ve come to realise that there’s no use persuading people otherwise. I believe Singapore has had it too good the last 5 decades and maybe we should give people what they want. Vote in a crappy govt and for 5 years, let our economy come to a standstill. I think we’re ahead enough to survive 5 years of poor governance and I’m relatively confident that my career is secure enough to survive a 5-year trough.

What I have observed in this elections though is that it sucks to be a PAP candidate. Take Ivan Lim for example. A number of people came out to quote examples of how he was an arrogant prick to them and there was such a big furore on the Internet, he decided to withdraw his candidacy.

Then you have Raeesah Khan from WP. Old posts of hers were unveiled where she accused the Singapore police and judicial system of 1) mercilessly jailing minorities, 2) harassing mosque leaders, 3) letting the leaders of City Harvest Church go scot free (no, they were fined and jailed) and 4) asking who did they bribe to walk free.

Total untruths and this is now being investigated by the police as we have laws against people who incite racial disharmony (plus she made false allegations against the judiciary).

Did she have to withdraw from the elections? Nope! Supporters of the opposition said she was speaking up against racism.

I’m frankly appalled. I’m not asking anyone to love PAP but let’s at least treat everyone fairly OK?

The opp questioned PAP’s candidate selection process… Then what about WP’s? Why the double standards?

When results came out, I was even more shocked. The voters in Aljunied GRC decided to re-elect the WP as their MP, and by a greater margin than during the 2015 elections. Seriously? Does the fact that the incumbent WP MPs have been found guilty by the High Court of misusing SGD 33.7m of them council funds mean nothing to them? Yes, they are appealing the case but why would you vote the same people in again?

All in all, too much double standards and too many logic defying moments.

Well, we will all live and die by our decisions.

Bye bye, Tris

Tris left us on 21 May 2020. She didn’t eat much the day before but took CC when we fed her during lunch. She didn’t eat dinner so we fed her another round of CC at night. She wasn’t active the whole night so I came out around midnight to sit on the living room and observe her. She seemed to be in pain around 1am so I gave her some rid wind and massaged her tummy. I went to shower, thinking I would feed another round of rid wind about 2am. Then I suddenly heard a loud crash coming from the playpen. I rushed out and saw Tris had pounced into the litter tray, her body in a loaf position but with her neck stretched out and stiff. I quickly woke Iceman up as I knew the end was near and there was no way we could make it down to any vet in time.

We patted her and told her we loved her and comforted her as much as we could. She then had a seizure and passed on.

Tobias was very upset about Tris’ passing. He refused to eat much for 2 days and we had to take him to the vet to be treated for GI stasis. Took him 2 weeks before he recovered and started eating normal quantities again. I didn’t know GI could last for 2 weeks!

But since then, Tobias refuses to eat plain hay so I make him CC hay every morn and night. He likes the CC hay though so that’s good.

We’re not intending to get a companion for Tobias as he’s getting on in age and it’s best if we can devote our full attention on him. He’s still very hyper and we’re thankful for that!

This is the last pic we took of them together, the day before Tris died.

We’ll miss you, pretty girl!

Covid-19

I know one day I will look back at this and see that Covid-19 is just one of the many life experiences people gain during their lifetime. It will not be any different from SARS or H1N1 or any of the other pandemics that have hit the world before.

Singapore started our “Circuit Breaker” on 7th Apr. I’ve been working from home from before the Circuit Breaker started (for 4-5 weeks) now and work is getting busier than ever. It annoys me when people/organisations act as though people are very free just because the are working from home (or I should say – “WFH” – the latest trendy acronym invented). Yes, I know, there are some who are unable to work because their retail shops are closed, entertainment venues are closed and so on. But there are many many of us who are slogging to work through the credit crisis caused by the tumbling oil prices and record credit losses (or potential losses) in the market. Started with Dongying at the end of 2019, then Agritrade, then Qingyuan and now Hin Leong. Every deal I work on requires 3x the usual effort but with a lower chance of success.

The good thing about WFH though is that I get to let the bunnies out to play on some days. (Can’t do it everyday ‘cos the slippery living room floor is bad for Tris and she loves to come out.)

Tris napping under the TV console
Tobias licking the hay dust from the bowl

As with all things, Covid-19 too, will pass.

Hope everyone remains healthy and cooperative with the government’s efforts to stop the spread during the Circuit Breaker!

V-Day 2020

A very real Valentine’s Day, amidst fears of the COVID-19 mutating to become something more serious, amidst a deteriorating credit environment and more businesses going insolvent and learning from the reality that even your spouse’s love for you will always be so small compared to God’s love.

I really overestimated spousal love. I thought finally, if push comes to shove, one would be willing to let go of a friendship if it makes your spouse uneasy. Unfortunately that is not the case. It probably wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t led to think that way. Unfortunately, it is what it is.

What can I say? 2020 vision sucks. Fuck me.

Insomnia

Wed night when I couldn’t sleep, there were a lot of things on my mind. In random order – do you think we should have a kid? I’m 41 this year so it’s prob. now or never. Of ‘cos, just ‘cos we try doesn’t mean it’ll happen but I think I don’t overly love kids and can truly leave this to God.

Why do you selectively delete msgs from Telegram despite saying u won’t do it? Is it ‘cos u don’t want me to realise that no matter how I feel, u can never be just colleagues with J? She will always be the friend u chat with more than others. Possibly even on par with me.

Is it so wrong to reach each other’s msgs or to know where u are at any time? I thought the whole purpose of having a joint bank acc is to have complete transparency and it was thought that money is one area that couples hide stuff, even if it appears to be minor/unimportant stuff from each other. But what’s there to hide? Why is there a need to hide?

If God was willing to give me what I want, I would want u to be nothing more than colleagues with J. Strictly colleagues. Not even friends. Unfortunately, I thought that might happen when she was on her long MC and when u said u didn’t realise how much pain u caused me. U didn’t appear to talk to her much so I thought my dream came true. I now know I’m wrong. I have no choice but to accept her as part of ur life. And I have been able to accept it w/o bitterness. But the sadness that I am smaller and less important that I wished I was will always be there. But who knows? Maybe one day I’ll get over it.

So this brings me back to the first thing on my mind. Should we try for kids?

I don’t know why

A half truth makes a whole lie.
Too many I don’t know whys.
The longer the evasion, the more natural the white lies.
Ever increasing guilt, ever decreasing joy.

God’s Word

Reading the bible really gives me a lot of comfort. It gives me peace, and assurance knowing that He is here for me and He is all that matters. Thank you, Lord.

Protected: A Letter, One Year On

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你要的爱

雖然經常夢見妳 還是毫無頭緒
外面正在下著雨 今天是星期幾
But I don’t know 你去那裡雖然不曾懷疑你 還是忐忑不定
誰是你的那個唯一 原諒我懷疑自己我明白 我要的愛 會把我寵壞
像一個小孩 只懂在你懷裡壞你要的愛 不只是依賴
要像個大男孩 風吹又日曬 生活自由自在雖然不曾懷疑你 還是忐忑不定
誰是你的那個唯一 原諒我懷疑我自己我明白 我要的愛 會把我寵壞
像一個小孩 只懂在你懷裡壞…




August 2020
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