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I died. Got revived. And I woke up a different person. Scarred. Despairing. Looking forward to His second coming.


If I wasn’t drowning, I wouldn’t cling on so hard.


Today I read that ‘surrender’ is a battle term. And I am battling a lot of things. My fears, my doubts, my inadequacies, my self-worth. And I realise it’s harder to surrender to God one’s disappointments and doubts than to surrender one’s joy and dreams. At least it is for me. I think it’s logical though because dreams drive you while pain eats you.

Everytime we get knocked down, it’s probably survivor instinct that makes us get back up. But sometimes the rate at which we die inside is faster than the rate they recover. It’s a cancer of the heart, soul and mind.

Surrender. We need to learn to surrender.



Dylan was a friend from dance. On 7 Ang 2018, Dylan decided to leave us at the very young age of 27. The news came as a great shock because whenever I think of Dylan, the image of someone with a big smile would pop into my mind.

His family shared that he had been suffering from depression for a few months but that dance was his happy place and they were happy when he decided to compete in dance.

Dylan took his life on a Tue and it’s sad that his thoughts got so dark that he couldn’t find the peace to hang on till Tue night – when we have social.

As people shared videos and photos of Dylan in tribute to his memory, all I saw was smiles; from him and all who were around him.

Thank you for being the bright spark in the WCS community and I am sorry we were not sensitive enough to see and sustain your happy place in the hours you weren’t dancing.

May the Lord’s peace be with your soul.


Maybe the lesson is to not focus on the thorn but to focus on His Grace and one day the tears will go away.

Protected: Beijing, June 2018

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I thought I lost the ability to cry;
But only you could coax a tear from my eye.
I think I’m strong, at least I try.
But the more I see, the more my heart dies.
I try to read between the lines,
I wished you would tell me everything is fine.
I don’t know to laugh or cry,
At your honesty, that u were there to keep her eyes dry.
I bite my lips, I swallow my sighs.
I press on in silence, head held high.
I only have one wish as I turn thirty-nine,
That you keep our oath, as I have kept mine.
Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.

Ah Lian

The older i am, the more ah lian i become. Went to get a third pair of ear holes pierced today. I wondered why and the only conclusion i arrived at was the older i am, the less i care about what people think of me. So that brings my inner lian to the surface. But who cares right? Love the third set of earrings on my ears! 🙂

Purpose of Insurance

I’ve recently had to fight over a few months with the claims director of an insurer to pay a valid claim to my client. The quibble the claims director had was over procedural matters and there was absolutely no doubt that the defaulting borrower owed money. In fact, the borrower already issued an confirmation of debt.

So even though the claim director agreed to pay the claim, he wanted some additional documents executed.

In the end, we had to get my global head to talk to the head at the insurance company to resolve the issue but it’s too late. I received instruction from the client to use them less in future.

I thus wonder if it’s worth it from the insurer’s point of view? Now you’re going to pay the claim but your client has decided you’re a pain in the ass and does not wish to work with you in future. You’ve lost both the battle and the war.

I also wonder if insurers remember why insurance started is because people decided to pool together to share risks and with risk comes claims. As an underwriter, if you had a clean loss record doesn’t mean you’re a good underwriter at all. It just means you were useless in sharing risk. And I’m not saying this because I’m a broker. I started my insurance career as an underwriter albeit in life insurance.

A good underwriter prices the risk correctly such that the risk pool he underwrites contributes a fair premium into the total pool to fund claims.

Well, I suppose some lessons need to be learnt the hard way.

Everything is Connected

So I learnt another important lesson today. Though my stretch remained the same, because my fingers were more tense, I felt much heavier and sluggish at the anchor.


This is my second business trip to HK, which I always find ironic since it took 15 years of working life before work brought me to a country I enjoy visiting so much; and of which among my colleagues, I’m the only one who speaks Cantonese.

I know TST area better than I know Orchard Road. Which probably means that the rate of development in HK is slower than Singapore. I always find new things when I visit Orchard Rd say 4-5 times a year but I haven’t seen much changes in HK the last 5 years.

It was interesting during the Global Trade Review conference today when Singapore was brought up quite a few times as a comparison and highlighted as a competitor/threat to HK. (Comparisons were made in trade, corporate treasury and talent pool). I was reminded that there was a time when Singapore used to use HK as a benchmark in the finance sector but it’s been so long ago that I’ve forgotten about it. Singapore has really matured as a financial hub. It seems like we’re now benchmarking against the world while HK is benchmarking us.

A banker, who used to be my HK colleague’s boss in their previous company, commented to my colleague “how come my hair is so funky”. Indeed, work decorum in Singapore has changed a lot. I wouldn’t have dreamt of having purple and pink hair 15 years ago. In fact, people in banking would hardly have dyed their hair at all but no one cares now. We have come a long way in developing what’s our own acceptable norm.

I used to want to work in HK because I loved the vibrancy of the city. But its lights are dimmer now.

May 2020