Dance like no one's watching

I am a serious lost sheep at work.  Just ended my 3rd week with 2 disasters… too complicated to relate the whole story here but basically i just got very confused between which insurers gave us quotes, and kept forgetting which insurer i had approached for quotes… and said 2 really dumb, totally bimbotic things to my boss.  (The 2nd incident being I asked him if he wanted me to approach a particular underwriter when i already gave him the quote from that underwriter.  My boss told me not to scare him ‘cos he already forwarded the quote to the client.)  Sigh.  It’s not good.

On my 1st week of work, i got so lost with all the structured finance stuff. I mean, what the heck is securitisation, with recourse, w/o recourse, forfaiting, etc etc??  During my 2nd week, i kept confusing the details of the cases… it’s like i would put Sanshun (of My Lovely Samsoon) into the storyline of Da Chang Jin (Jewel in the Palace), and think the entire thing took place in Jin Yong’s Legend of the Condor Heroes.  It was bad.

This week was the ultimate test of my memory. I more or less got the structured finance thing… and i can more or less remember of entire story behind the cases correctly, as long as u give me 5secs to recall the story before i tell u about it… but i keep forgetting what courses of action i’ve taken, and what results came back!!

Sigh… the things i say to my boss are SO stupid sometimes that i cringe in embarrassment of my own stupidity.  When i told Banker about it while we were leaving the office today, my stories had him in stitches.  He told me that he also got very confused when he first joined but it’s better now.  Well, i guess being confused is one thing… but have your confusion exposed right in front of your boss, is another.

Argh!  This is the first time in any job that i’m worried about passing probation… Sigh.