To be or not to be

A lot of things been happening lately. Work – my boss and my colleague quit, so the past 3 weeks were madness. All the phone calls & viewings started coming to me, and that’s on top of the already hectic viewing schedule i was juggling with.

Thankfully, a new colleague joined us last Monday. We get along really well and i think i’ll really enjoy working with her. My HOD has been pretty ok too so far. I like his style of working too so now it’s just a matter of getting settled down to a new jobscope and new working style.

During one of those many viewings i was juggling, i got to meet this agent, Clown. (“Clown” ‘cos he keeps me very entertained.) When i first saw Clown, i thought he was rather cute… but that was from far, not close up. Heh.. ok, that was very complimentary but it’s the truth. Through the 3 viewings i had with him, he gave me a good impression – except that he smokes.

About 1.5 weeks ago, Clown asked me out. I didn’t agree but we did exchange ICQ UINs. After much persistence, i finally did go out with him – and we have been out 4x since then. I find myself very attracted to him. To what exactly i can’t tell. Yeah, i could cite the usual benchmarks about clicking and so on.. but i guess ultimately, you just can’t quantify attraction. Moreover, whatever he has done to impress me, while i believe he’s not just doing it for the sake of getting a gal, i still cannot be sure? I suppose one can never really know another person unless you get to observe the person in a group setting, to see how he interacts with other people. Strange thing is that Clown is quite quiet in front of people he isn’t familiar with, though he is extremely chatty with me.

I’m sure some good Christian friends must be wondering now – is this guy a Christian? Yes, he is a believer but he doesn’t go to church anymore. (This is the part where warning bells go off right?). We’ve talked about God and i believe that Clown will return to church in God’s timing. What about his smoking? Isn’t that really bad? It is… even i myself called him a “chao smoker” when i first got to know him. Well, to his credit, he is trying to quit and has cut down a lot.

The greatest thing that is bugging me now is that the more i am attracted to this chap, the more i am bugged about someone else. Once upon a time, it did cross my mind whether it’s due to my impatience when it comes to relationships that i 等不到 my “dream guy”. But then again, how do you know when you have moved on?

Too many issues to consider. I’m still praying about this. Will you pray for me too?

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July 2005