Life’s Lousy Endings

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind”.  A Midsummer Night’s Dream  (Act I, Scene I)

My favourite play by William Shakespeare is A Midsummer Night’s Dream… so i was awfully glad when i got to read it as part of my GCE ‘O’ Level literature exam.  The play’s really witty and i just love the way everyone got mixed up… only to have true love find itself, and everyone has a happy ending.  I love happy endings.  Life is sad enough, which is why i hate stories with bad endings.  I don’t need more dismay in my life.

Whenever i read good stories, i wonder if the authors knew of the endings when they started writing?  Or did the story pan out as they wrote?  For me, whenever i had to write an essay / composition for school, i usually had the ending in mind already.  So everything else i wrote was just about getting there.

I try to apply this to my life too… i usually foresee a certain outcome, and work towards it.  It gives me assurance that i am in control of my life… and i know that whatever decisions / choices i make, i would have no regrets ‘cos my end justified my means.

Unfortunately, life isn’t as easy to control as i hoped.  There are times when i realise that things are beyond my control and it makes me uncomfortable.  It makes me feel vulnerable… and i absolutely detest feeling vulnerable.  My natural reflex would be to hit out at whatever was causing me to feel vulnerable… and my sharp tongue & quick sarcasm was developed thus.

I’ve been rather out of sorts lately.  Bitter, encumbered, and generally distracted (except when my boss throws me some almost impossible deadlines… that really gets me focused).  I know the ending of a chapter i’m writing… yet i still indulge my whim & fancy.  Sigh.  We all have our nemesis.

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November 2006