Dance like no one's watching

Got this from this website.

The following were actual announced in church services or appeared in church bulletins.

• The scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recyled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done.
• Evening Massage – 6 p.m.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would give him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
• The third verse of “Blessed Assurance” will be sung without musical accomplishment.
• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• The Reverend Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the congregation.
• The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy”.
• A songfest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.
• Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing service will be discontinued until further notice.
• Stewardship Offertory: “Jesus Paid It All”.
• The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
• Remember in your prayers the many who are sick of our church and community.
• The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement noon Friday. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• The concert held in the fellowship hall was a great success. Special thanks to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual, fell upon her.
• Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held in the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, “The Lord Knows Why”.
• Don’t let worry kill you, let the church help.
• The rose on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
• This afternoon, there will be a meeting at the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
• This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and hear the choir practice.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
• Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
• Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.”
• The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks On The Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching For Jesus.”
• Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
• Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang I Will Not Pass This Way Again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
• During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
• Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. – prayer and medication to follow.
• This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• The associate minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”