Got this from this website.

The following were actual announced in church services or appeared in church bulletins.

  • The scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recyled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done.
  • Evening Massage – 6 p.m.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would give him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
  • The third verse of “Blessed Assurance” will be sung without musical accomplishment.
  • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • The Reverend Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the congregation.
  • The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing “Break Forth Into Joy”.
  • A songfest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.
  • Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing service will be discontinued until further notice.
  • Stewardship Offertory: “Jesus Paid It All”.
  • The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
  • Remember in your prayers the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement noon Friday. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • The concert held in the fellowship hall was a great success. Special thanks to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual, fell upon her.
  • Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held in the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, “The Lord Knows Why”.
  • Don’t let worry kill you, let the church help.
  • The rose on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
  • This afternoon, there will be a meeting at the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  • The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and hear the choir practice.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
  • Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.”
  • The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks On The Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching For Jesus.”
  • Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
  • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
  • Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang I Will Not Pass This Way Again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
  • During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  • Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. – prayer and medication to follow.
  • This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • The associate minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

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January 2009