Singlish

Ever since I came back from my US trip in Dec, I get very tickled whenever I hear waiter/waitress ask, “having here or takeaway?” because it reminds me of an incident that happened in the US.

One of my friends, a French chap and I wanted to buy lunch to eat in the ballroom. After taking our orders, this conversation with the waitress ensued…

Waitress: “Here or to go?”
French chap: ??
Waitress: “Here or to go?”
French chap: “What???”
Me: “Dabao?”
French chap: “Yes! Dabao!”
Me to waitress: “To go please.”

My oh my. How we have corrupted people’s English…

What Did You Say?

A colleague of mine lost 4kg recently so I’ve gotten quite used to hearing people tell him that he looks trimmer now.  Two days ago, both of us met up with some prospects for lunch.  One of these prospects used to work in one of our bank clients some years back and it’s been about 5 years since the prospect saw my colleague.  So when we met at the restaurant, the first thing the prospect said was:

“It must have been 5 years since we last saw each other.  You seem to have lost some…”

I was perusing the menu & thought to myself, “Aiyah, my colleague sure feel shiok that yet another person is complimenting him on his weight loss”.

So I bo chup’d the conversation till I heard the rest of the sentence.

“…hair”.

OMG!  I nearly burst out laughing but had to pretend nothing happened & continued going through the menu.

Wahahahahahahaha.

Myolie Wu Prank Calls Kenneth Ma

I just came across this super hilarious video clip. 

Myolie Wu went on this talk show & she was supposed to get someone to say “I love you” to her.  She called Kenneth Ma & the ensuing conversation was hilarious! 

Watch the video here: http://hyn5-hyn5.blogspot.com/2009/06/ma-ming-says-i-love-you-to-myolie-wu.html

Myolie: I’ll try to call this person.
Fama & Kitty: This person is?
Kitty: A male friend.
Myolie: Ma Ming.
6 Wing: Do you think Ma Ming is okay?
C Kwan: Do you think Ma Ming is playful?
6 Wing: Ma Ming is okay playful.
Myolie: No, the problem is that it is very difficult to have him say it.
C Kwan: How about we don’t focus on that saying? We can cover a bigger area.
Myolie: But I can’t ask him if he likes me.
C Kwan & Kitty: You can!
Myolie: I can?
C Kwan: Yes.
Kitty: Obviously, that wouldn’t be the first thing you say. You have to slowly get to the topic. Start off with something like, "Actually, we are…."
Myolie: We don’t have to slowly get to the topic because when we have to ask something, we ask it right away.
Kitty: Oh.
6 Wing: Do you like me? You’ll say that first when you call him?
Myolie: Yes. He will immediately say, "Love".
Kitty: Really?
Myolie: Yes, do you believe it?
C Kwan & Kitty: Okay, let’s try it.
Kitty: Are all of your guy friends like this?
Myolie: No.
Kitty: If so, then you should call three of them. Try calling three guys, and say to them, "I like you very much!"
Myolie: Actually, only Ma Ming is like that! I don’t know if he’ll pick up. This game is pretty fun.
Ma Ming: Hello?
Myolie: Hello, Ma Ming?
Ma Ming: Yes.
Myolie: It’s Myolie!
Ma Ming: What’s up?
Myolie: Are you free?
Ma Ming: What are you doing?
Myolie: What are you doing?
Ma Ming: I’m not doing anything. I just finished.
Myolie: You’ve done the costume fitting, and have left?
Ma Ming: Yes, I’m done the fitting, and I’ve left. Are you at the company?
Myolie: No, I’m not at the company.
Ma Ming: What’s up? What’s up?
Myolie: Nothing. Were you happy when you came over to my house for a BBQ yesterday?
Ma Ming: Happy. What’s up?
Myolie: Do you love me?
Ma Ming: I love you!
Myolie: Thank you! Bye bye!
Fama: That’s impossible!
Kitty: Why was that so easy?!
C Kwan: You guys are actually together!
6 Wing: That’s impossible! I suspect that they we doing more than BBQing last night!
Kitty: That’s correct! Why don’t you give me Ma Ming’s number and I’ll try to call him. I’ll say exactly what you said "I love you", and see what happens.
Fama & Myolie & Kitty: All right!
Kitty: We’ll see if Kenneth Ma is a very open kind of guy!
Myolie: You’ll have to tell him that you are Kitty.
Kitty: I will, no problem.
Ma Ming: Hello?
Kitty: Hello, may I speak to Mr. Kenneth Ma?
Ma Ming: Speaking!
Kitty: It’s Kitty Yuen!
Ma Ming: What’s up?
Kitty: I just want to thank you for coming on our programme last time.
Ma Ming: Don’t mention it.
Kitty: Actually, we are very fortunate to have you on as a guest.
Ma Ming: Thank you.
Kitty: Actually, after that time… I…
Ma Ming: Are you playing the Fama and Kitty show?
Kitty: Kitty show? I don’t have any whiskers.
Ma Ming: You guys are playing the Fama and Kitty show, right?
Kitty: Fama and Kitty show? What is that?
Ma Ming: Tavia Yeung just called me.
Kitty: Why did Tavia call you?
Ma Ming: She asked if I love her or not.
Kitty: Tavia?!
Myolie: It’s Myolie!
Ma Ming: Myolie, Myolie Wu!
Myolie: Hey, did you voice get cut off?
Kitty: So, the one he actually likes is Tavia!
Myolie: You came to my house yesterday for BBQ, and you say it’s Tavia!
Ma Ming: I just finished the costume fitting [for "Iron Horse Seeking Bridge"].
C Kwan: He actually likes Tavia. No one ever liked you!
Kitty: So, no one ever liked you!
Ma Ming: I mixed it up.
C Kwan: Everybody likes Tavia, and nobody likes you!
Myolie: Say again.
Ma Ming: I just saw Tavia, so I mixed it up and said the wrong "Yi".
Myolie: You just said it wrong, right?
Ma Ming: Yes, I just said it wrong.
Myolie: Then who am I?
C Kwan: Tavia!
Ma Ming: You are Myolie.
Myolie: Do you love me?
Ma Ming: Love you, love you…
Myolie: How much love?
Ma Ming: Really love. Is this recorded? It’s recorded right?
Myolie: I’ll let you off this time.
Ma Ming: Really love.
Kitty: What about me?
Ma Ming: Are you Kitty?
Kitty: Yes.
Ma Ming: I really love you, too.
Kitty: Do you love me more or do you love Nancy Wu more?
Ma Ming: I love Myolie the most.
6 Wing: Does he love Tavia the most?
C Kwan: He loves Tavia the most.
6 Wing: You love Tavia the most. You’ve mixed them up.
Kitty: You love Tavia the most. You should get that cleared up.
Myolie: Okay, it’s time to hang up.
Ma Ming: Do I have to record it again? Myolie, I love you!
Myolie: There’s no need to. It’s enough.
Ma Ming: It’s recorded? Okay.
Myolie: Okay. I’m finished using you now. Okay, bye bye.
Ma Ming: Okay, bye bye.
Ma Ming: Okay, bye bye!
Myolie: That’s so mean!
C Kwan: That’s not mean. It’s just that he doesn’t like you.
Fama: He loves Tavia!

Damn You Auto-Correct

This has gotta be the most classic “damn u iOS autocorrect” story i’ve heard. My colleague’s ex-boyfriend SMSed her to say that he’s getting married. She was happy for him as they’ve remained friends and wanted to reply, “Congrats!”. Unfortunately she typed wrongly… and her iPhone auto-corrected it to “Contest!”

The guy went silent after that.

What Time Is It

Anyone remembers the old Tiger ad campaign – What Time Is It?

Well, for those who don’t remember, or perhaps just forgot… the Hokkien version was by… Cai Lizhang!  Heh.  This was the brainchild of the original artistic director who came up with the ad campaign, Liang Weifeng (if my sources are correct).

Here’s the English & Hokkien version of the ad for your listening.  T.G.I.F.!

[audio:tiger-beer-hokkien.mp3]

Simi Diam Siah?

Curly Hair & Me

I couldn’t resist – permed my hair last Fri.  Yuki did a “Japanese perm” this time – in short, my hair was set in curlers, doused with the first chemical, rinsed out, soaked with second chemical and the rinsed again.  The whole perming process took about 2+ hrs.  No heat was involved so the curls look softer.  They feel softer too… though mine have a tendency to straighten by half at the end of the day.  Not sure if it’s ‘cos my hair’s still very long.  Yuki said she deliberately used the medium sized curlers for me ‘cos my hair’s very stubborn… and the curls will turn into large curls by the end of the week.  I’m a little nervous abt it now actually… ‘cos I know my hair IS stubborn (yesh yesh, like me) and so I worry the curls may just disappear.

Anyway, to allay my fears, I decided to be proactive and so I searched online for “how to preserve curls while sleeping”.  This was the BEST (in terms of funniest) answer I found.

image

Click on the pic to see the answer!  😛