Dance like no one's watching

Cliche reports will always paint a scene where the husband is back home after a long day at work and just wants to laze in front of the TV, but the wife wants to chat and yaks non-stop.  I say that’s cliche ‘cos I definitely understand the need to nua.

There’s nothing better for me than to spend a weekend sleeping & watching TV, and not have to get out of the house at all.  2-3 hours of such nua-ing is definitely NOT enough.  Ideally, an entire day should be devoted to it.  If I don’t get to spend at least 5-6 hours nua-ing, I’ll feel as though the weekend just slipped away and I’ll have a huge urge to take leave on Mon because I was cheated of the weekend.

My cellgroup wanted to have an outing this weekend.  I thought long and hard & voted for it to be on Sun.  The majority, however, decided that Sat would be better, which works out fine since I actually forgot I was supposed to meet up with Azure and others to discuss / finalise our Japan trip on Sun.  The problem then is, if I were to go out today (Sat), then spend Sun morning in church, Sun afternoon at Azure’s place and Sun night having dinner with my dad (my mom went China for holiday), I’ll not have any part of the weekend to myself again!  Although I’m on leave on Mon, I’ve gotta wake up early ‘cos Singnet’s sending a technician down to check on my Internet connection problems.  After that I haven’t decided whether to go to Cityhall area or Orchard area to look for a winter jacket for my Japan trip. 

I find it difficult to explain to others why I need to nua.  Why I need to just switch off my brain and laze in front of the TV.  I am unable to verbalise why this “me time” is so important, especially if it’s been a busy week at work.  I tried to analyse it in a logical way and the only thing I could think of was perhaps I interact too much with people during the week – like the past week, when my phones (office & handphone) were ringing every 15 minutes, clients were calling, underwriters were calling, or I had to call underwriters to broker deals after clients’ calls.  I also had a number of meetings to attend… all of which resulted in me only being able to clear work / e-mails after 7pm. 

And the most important thing is?  I don’t want to change this.  I think I have a right to do work which I enjoy, and to spend my weekends nua-ing.  I don’t like the pressure to meet up with friends just to meet other people’s expectations.  I believe I have a right to choose how I want to spend my time.  Even if it’s wasting hours in front of the TV, the fact that I’m exercising my choice and doing what I feel like doing – that makes me very happy.  Shiok is the word. 

So I’ve decided to skip the afternoon outing with my cellgroup today.  I just want to be by myself.  I’m going see if there’s any cereal to eat, then I’m going to watch TV for a few hours.  I will be joining them at some cafe tonight ‘cos my husband said he won’t get to see me the whole of today otherwise… which means I still won’t get an entire day of nua-ing.  *Shrugs*.  Maybe I’ll take leave again next week to make up for it… but that means I might end up running out of leave and not be able to join my cellgroup on a mission trip end of this year. 

Sometimes I feel a little bad for wanting 1 whole day per week to myself.  It’s not as though I’m some anti-social hermit but it would be great to just chill out by myself.  Just 1 day.  After all, if time is the most precious commodity we have, why can’t I spend it on myself?