Dance like no one's watching

A half truth makes a whole lie.
Too many I don’t know whys.
The longer the evasion, the more natural the white lies.
Ever increasing guilt, ever decreasing joy.

Reading the bible really gives me a lot of comfort. It gives me peace, and assurance knowing that He is here for me and He is all that matters. Thank you, Lord.

雖然經常夢見妳 還是毫無頭緒
外面正在下著雨 今天是星期幾
But I don’t know 你去那裡雖然不曾懷疑你 還是忐忑不定
誰是你的那個唯一 原諒我懷疑自己我明白 我要的愛 會把我寵壞
像一個小孩 只懂在你懷裡壞你要的愛 不只是依賴
要像個大男孩 風吹又日曬 生活自由自在雖然不曾懷疑你 還是忐忑不定
誰是你的那個唯一 原諒我懷疑我自己我明白 我要的愛 會把我寵壞
像一個小孩 只懂在你懷裡壞…

Someone told someone who shared with me a long time ago that, when you put God first, everything else will fall in place. This wasn’t a statement to comfort in difficult times but a reminder, a warning, in good times.

Hearing the different trials and thanksgiving various people experienced in 2018, I could at times see what were the things others and myself may have placed ahead of God. And why things had to fall out of place.

May everything fall in place in 2019. This is my heartfelt prayer.

Pain, worthlessness, grief, self-harm; too many dark moments have plagued 2018. I truly wish for a better tomorrow in 2019.

I was a bigger part of your consciousness.

I died. Got revived. And I woke up a different person. Scarred. Despairing. Looking forward to His second coming.

If I wasn’t drowning, I wouldn’t cling on so hard.

Today I read that ‘surrender’ is a battle term. And I am battling a lot of things. My fears, my doubts, my inadequacies, my self-worth. And I realise it’s harder to surrender to God one’s disappointments and doubts than to surrender one’s joy and dreams. At least it is for me. I think it’s logical though because dreams drive you while pain eats you.

Everytime we get knocked down, it’s probably survivor instinct that makes us get back up. But sometimes the rate at which we die inside is faster than the rate they recover. It’s a cancer of the heart, soul and mind.

Surrender. We need to learn to surrender.