Selling Chicken Egg

Got a couple of chicken egg stories to tell.

The first is really about a colleague who totally pissed me off yesterday. I think my disdain for him started brewing when we were both involved in the M’sian condo exhibition. That guy, i’m going to call him Chicken Egg Seller aka CES for short (if you understand Cantonese, u should be able to guess his English name + surname) was soooo darn good at arrowing people to do work! His pet phrase throughout the time we were setting up our exhibition panels and so on was,

“Hi , could you help me to organize this ?”

After hearing that phrase like 10 times in an hour, it really really grated on my nerves. After a while, whenever he called my name, i would just feign ignorance and turn to talk to someone else. I mean, can’t he lift a finger to do anything himself? What an ass!!

Fast forward to yesterday. Clown had a client who was interested in seeing this condo that we’re selling. Unfortunately, CES is in charge of the project so i was forced to call him for more information. The first time i called him, he said he was at an appointment. Fair enough… i asked him when would be a convenient time to call him back. He said 4pm in the afternoon. So i called CES again at 4:45pm. That idiot was totally unforthcoming with information. Our conversation went something like that –

Me: “Hi, can you tell me more about XXX project?”
CES: “Sure.”
Me: “So what sort of units do we have? How many bedrooms? Are all the units tenanted?”
CES: “Yes, we have quite a few units.”
Me: “So can you tell me more details?”
CES: “Yes i can.”

By then, my blood was boiling. I mean, can’t you freaking tell me all you know? Like DUH!!!!
I was so pissed off that i asked, “Do you know anything about the project? If you have any information, could you just email it to me?”

And CES replies, “Sorry, i can’t email it to you.”

By then, i was hopping mad. “Why can’t you email to me? Is it ‘cos you only have hard copy?”

And the f*cking CES goes, “Yes. I can pass it to you when u’re back in office.”

By then, i lost all patience with this stupid taiji master and i asked him to just fax me the information at my house no. (It was my off day yesterday so i wasn’t about to go back to office just to collect a few sheets of paper from the stupid CES). When i asked him what time would i expect to receive his fax? His reply was at 6pm, ‘cos he was “rushing something”.

Now where did i hear that phrase before? Ahh… i recall! That stupid moron of a taiji master is not only good at pushing work to other people, he’s also one dastardly imbecilic cretin. He has apparently been talking to some prospect who called the hotline to enquire about the M’sian project for some time. After speaking with CES thrice, this prospect decided that he wanted to visit our office so that we could do a presentation on the project for him. Since CES was the one liaising with this prospect all along, should he be the one to do the presentation?

Oh no… CES doesn’t have the guts to talk to a prospective buyer. He tried to arrow my colleague to do it instead. (She got out of doing it but that’s another story all together). Good grief! This isn’t the first time CES has shied away from doing anything that requirements him to take responsibility for his words or action. It’s just like whenever i pose him a question about the M’sian project, he, as the I/C, would always give me a half-baked answer & run to my boss for help.

Serious! For crying out loud, this stupid CES is supposed to be a “veteran” in the industry. Yeah, veteran all right…. he’s probably a specialist in unarm taiji combat and trained is archery.

Argh! My BP shoots up everytime i think about him. And it really doesn’t help that he has a wuss face that you want to slap everytime u see him. *Grrr*… if i could set Horlicks on him, i would. Or get MC to pee on him or something. (U should see the amount of pee she’s capable of).

Anyway, i’ll be stationed out of the office most of the time for the next 6 weeks or so. Good riddance to CES, and good luck to everyone else at office who will have to put up with his nonsense!

Now for my 2nd chicken egg story… hehe. Last Tuesday, our department secretary dragged 5 of us to have “lor mee”. When we reached the coffeeshop, we found a seat under this pong pong tree. My colleague Polka & i expressed our concern about bird droppings hitting us since we were just under the tree. My boss pooh-poohed us by saying that birds can’t nest in pong pong trees ‘cos it’s branches were too small or something like that. I expressed my doubt in his belief ‘cos i could hear the mynahs chirping away but my boss insisted that we were safe.

Well, about 5minutes after we started tucking into our lor mee, i saw this humongous piece of food splash onto the centre of our table. The first thought that came into my mind was, did my boss drop that huge piece of food onto the table? ‘Cos it looked as though it flew from the direction of his bowl.

I then took a 2nd look at the “piece of food”. My gosh! It was a piece of overcooked sunnyside-up egg! I quickly turned to look at my boss and saw him brushing his hair furiously. I was wondering since when did lor mee come with sunnyside-up eggs & why was my boss brushing his hair?

That was when my boss said, “the bird dropped it…”.

Wahahahahah… i nearly burst out loud laughing! His expression was sooooo comical… hehe. But i didn’t… i controlled my laughter… after all, it’s going to be time for year end bonus soon so i better not offend him. Hehehehe… but that was really darn funny. U really have to be there to appreciate the full comedy of the situation.

Anyway, all of us suppressed our laughter and quickly finished our lunch in case the bird dropped anymore surprises on us. Heh.

When we were recounting the incident over teabreak yesterday, Polka remarked that the bird must’ve been cursing & swearing – think about it. This mynah must’ve dragged that whole piece of egg in his mouth for quite a distance, only to drop it on a guy who didn’t believe in the mynah’s existence in the tree. Haha.

Sigh… words can’t capture the magic of the moment. Only laughter can…. wahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

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November 2005