A couple of days ago, i met up with some secondary school friends for dinner. One of them said to me that one of her colleagues knows my ex-bf. I was like, er, which ex-bf? After i figured out which ex-bf she was referring to, i told her that he was getting married soon and we’re actually ok friends. But while i no longer have feelings for him, i definitely still have “feelings” for his wife-to-be!

Speak of the devil. I saw her in church today ‘cos she was doing Lord’s Supper duty. I felt such conflict & “un-peace” in my heart. At that moment, i knew that i have yet to forgive her for being a 3rd party. I guess if there’s anyone i still hatred & harbour unforgiveness towards, it’s her.

I asked myself – given that they’re getting married now, perhaps she was right to be the 3rd party ‘cos they’re meant to be together? But then again, just ‘cos u feel that someone ought to rightfully be with you, does that give u the right to be the bitch? It’s not something i can accept. To me, relationships are very clear cut. There is a right & wrong to things and to place your own selfish desires above moral rights & wrongs is, just plain wrong.

Anyhow, i felt very torn this morning. After all, we were about to have the Lord’s Supper & what does the Lord’s Supper represent? It’s a commemoration of Jesus’ 2nd coming. When we break bread, it symbolises his body that was broken. He died for our sins. He died for mine, as well as hers. Who am i to pass judgement on her? I may be the aggrieved, but i’m only the plaintiff. Not the judge.

Once upon a time, i hated her so much that i wished she’ll never accept Christ. I hoped thus ‘cos i wanted her to burn in hell. Yeap. I’m that evil. To me, that’s the worst “revenge” possible. But i guess Jesus’ love encompasses all our mistakes in life. Thank God for that or i’ll probably be burning too.

Someone once told me that it’s possible to forgive, but not forget. I don’t know about that man. I’m still on the first step.

2 Responses to “Forgiveness”

  1. 1 katrine

    Forgiving is easy, but forgetting is almost impossible because experiences become etched in our memory like the pages of a book. Bitter as it may be, we have the option of going back there to make sure we don’t re-experience the pain. Good or Bad, we have learnt.
    Does that make sense?

  2. 2 uptowngal

    Hmm… i guess the most important thing is the “not going back there” part…. and it also serves as a reminder to me not to ever be a 3rd party!!

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July 2006