Not a Word More

Couldn’t sleep again last night.  Was tired but… mind seemed to be in overdrive and wouldn’t shutdown.  Wasn’t thinking about anything in particular but my mind kept toggling between a lot of unresolved issues.  

An acquaintance messaged me on MSN last week.  Everytime he messages me, i know it’s about the same issue.  He’s just showing concern for his friend and he has never been pushy – that’s the only reason why i don’t mind hearing him out.  But, i still feel cornered to some extent because he’s asking me to do something that is outside my comfort zone now, and the last time i looked, it was still a huge can of worms.  Do i really want to go there again?  Well, guess what?  I gave in in the end.

Then there’s J-san.  He’s been taking daily walks past my desk and i feel very uncomfortable when he tries to strike up conversation because i feel like a thousand eyes are watching.  I may be paranoid… but… it doesn’t help when i’ve been told there’s a rumour floating around about me.  Argh. 

Yesterday, when J-san came by on his daily walk, my boss started asking him about who he was looking for, etc.  It was weird.  J-san said he was looking for Beanstalk.  I just ignored him and continued doing my work, head bent low over my notes.

I’m tired.  There’s really a lot of stuff to settle at work and i just want to be left alone to concentrate on my work.  Shouldn’t everyone learn to take care of themselves?  Please don’t make your problems mine.  I have enough on my plate.  The bible says “Don’t worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself”.  Can i turn that to i don’t want to worry about others because others should worry about themselves?

Sorry.  Selfish mood.

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March 2007