Archive Page 126
This blog is reaching 2 years old. Lots of tears, hurts, joy, laughter, and painful lessons have been recorded here.
Was a rainy morning i woke up to. 6:55am. I tried to go back to sleep but my thoughts were too loud to ignore. Hilda was comforting to hug but then i remembered that she’s borrowed comfort.
Felt an incredible urge to talk to Superman. Was going to send him an sms to see if he was available to chat ‘cos i knew he would be in office at the time (Seattle is 15 hrs behind Singapore). Then i saw a msn chat flashing on my taskbar. Message from Superman. (And u wonder why i call him Superman!)
Short chat. Told Superman that i couldn’t control not contacting HD anymore. I think even if i’m been red-carded, i need to know why. So i didn’t cash in when the stock was high… now that it’s crashed, i would like to know the answer? I don’t want to hold onto a worthless piece of paper and draw empty comfort.
Superman said that if i could deal with things now, then i should go ahead. He didn’t have to say much i guess… i just needed someone to listen to what i wanted to say. That was enough.
Sms’d Iceman who was on the way to play golf. Found out in our short chat that HD was supposed to go to the course with them today but backed out last minute saying that work came in from the US and he had to go to the office. We have our doubts. He works from a laptop and his 2 admin gals aren’t in office today. EVEN if he had to work, it would be from home.
Mr. Abandoned suggested to Iceman that perhaps it was ‘cos of me but Iceman… well, basically told him to shut up this time. (Way to go Sayang!) Yeah, pre-US trip, i may have been the cause… post-US? Nay…
Some have told me that i shouldn’t jump to conclusions but no matter how busy we were in the past, we would still meet up, even if just for 15min. Just for a short chat. Those were the so called “hou happy times”.
Sent an sms to HD to see if he’s awake. He hasn’t answered. I will ask my questions this time.
I feel more at peace already.
This blog is reaching 2 years old. Lots of tears, hurts, joy, laughter, and painful lessons have been recorded here.
Was a rainy morning i woke up to. 6:55am. I tried to go back to sleep but my thoughts were too loud to ignore. Hilda was comforting to hug but then i remembered that she’s borrowed comfort.
Felt an incredible urge to talk to Superman. Was going to send him an sms to see if he was available to chat ‘cos i knew he would be in office at the time (Seattle is 15 hrs behind Singapore). Then i saw a msn chat flashing on my taskbar. Message from Superman. (And u wonder why i call him Superman!)
Short chat. Told Superman that i couldn’t control not contacting HD anymore. I think even if i’m been red-carded, i need to know why. So i didn’t cash in when the stock was high… now that it’s crashed, i would like to know the answer? I don’t want to hold onto a worthless piece of paper and draw empty comfort.
Superman said that if i could deal with things now, then i should go ahead. He didn’t have to say much i guess… i just needed someone to listen to what i wanted to say. That was enough.
Sms’d Iceman who was on the way to play golf. Found out in our short chat that HD was supposed to go to the course with them today but backed out last minute saying that work came in from the US and he had to go to the office. We have our doubts. He works from a laptop and his 2 admin gals aren’t in office today. EVEN if he had to work, it would be from home.
Mr. Abandoned suggested to Iceman that perhaps it was ‘cos of me but Iceman… well, basically told him to shut up this time. (Way to go Sayang!) Yeah, pre-US trip, i may have been the cause… post-US? Nay…
Some have told me that i shouldn’t jump to conclusions but no matter how busy we were in the past, we would still meet up, even if just for 15min. Just for a short chat. Those were the so called “hou happy times”.
Sent an sms to HD to see if he’s awake. He hasn’t answered. I will ask my questions this time.
I feel more at peace already.
Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way
But now it’s just another show
You leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away
I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say “I love you” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way
Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost but something’s gained
In living every day
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From WIN and LOSE and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all
I’m 3/4 sad, 1/4 pissed with HD. What does “film ed must be scheduled” mean? Am i supposed to conveniently fit into someone’s schedule now? I would accomodate if i’m asked nicely.
But now? Keep up with the disappearing act any longer and i shall take the coach bag as my birthday present, and Hilda as my farewell gift.
Should not have let things gone beyond the 8th week. Stupid me.
When Flask said i was “materialistic” in buying the N95 today (got a great deal from Nokia – paid $688 for the phone w/o line, when i traded in my N73), my reply was, “single women near 30 look for comfort in material stuff”.
At least my hp won’t do a disappearing act right?
When i configured my new hp, i assigned a special ringtone to HD. Nope… not the song “Chasing Cars”, but “Irreplaceable”. How apt. He was the one who intro’d the song to me.
Bleah. I am not happy.
“Cannot confirm, “Cannot guarantee”,
What does this say about you and me.
Two steps forward, one step back,
Time to give up? Or just a little setback.
I’ll pass on scheduled film ed,
I can read the paperback.
Time for me to lay off,
I shall try to not be soft.
Birdland will be passe,
And that’s the plan for May.
Really tired. Had 2 late nights in a row this weekend. Am also saddened by the passing of a deeply respected church elder last Thursday. I always remember him as the only person who has ever talked to my dad about God and my dad did not blow his top.
Uncle Fred was a kind and gentle spirit that way. The sincerity of his words and his earnest concern for everyone was always apparent in his actions. During the funeral service today, many people shared about the different ways he touched their lives.
Came home about 5ish in the evening and took a nap. Woke up when my parents were going for dinner but decided not to join them ‘cos i’m still rather full from this afternoon and… am really really tired.
Feeling a little downtrodden as well. Times like these, i wished i could hit the fastforward button on the remote.
Ok. I need to keep things in perspective and not let every minor thing get to me.
Sidetracking a little, the speaker at the funeral service today said that we need to remember to WALK through the valley of the shadow of death. If we dwell in it, of course we’ll be scared! But just remember to keep walking ‘cos God walks with us.
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
Amen to that.
I have a fear of the unknown. Not for things that go bump in the night (i would bump them off!), but fear of holding any expectations of a person because the more hope you invest, the more you risk.
A few people asked me recently if i was worried that he might be seeing some other girl. My answer is no. If anything, i’m the one who might see other people. The issue i see however, is that a guy approaching 29 might want to go full speed on his career ‘cos guys in their 30s can easily get a younger gal.
However, a gal at 28 tends to be hesitant about committing to a person ‘cos gals in their 30s aren’t exactly high in demand so u wouldn’t want to make a mistake in your choice of a guy. If you notice, gals in their 30s usually end up with guys who are way older… ‘cos the attraction of a gal in her 30s is her maturity and perhaps career stability.
And that’s life i suppose.
Saw an ex-bf give out wedding invitations today. Seems like almost all our peers are invited – except me. It was surreal the way everyone was holding an invitation card and talking about it… and i was just there… invisible? Kind of expected it since i was the ousted party. It’s sad when u want to wish a friend well… but circumstances dictate otherwise.
And people wonder why i invest my time and effort in techie gadgets. At least the tech specs are made known to the public.
Love this song by New Radicals.
90 miles outside chicago
Can’t stop driving
I don’t know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later
You’re still on my mind
Whatever happened to emilia earhart
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love once in a lifetime
Did the captain of the titanic cry
Chorus:
Someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you
Does anybody know the way to atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
I’m speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time tonight
(chorus)
Someday we’ll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you
I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren’t you here with me?
(chorus)
Someday we’ll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you
Love this song by New Radicals.
90 miles outside chicago
Can’t stop driving
I don’t know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later
You’re still on my mind
Whatever happened to emilia earhart
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love once in a lifetime
Did the captain of the titanic cry
Chorus:
Someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you
Does anybody know the way to atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
I’m speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time tonight
(chorus)
Someday we’ll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you
I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren’t you here with me?
(chorus)
Someday we’ll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you
Today is my blogging day. It’s the kind of day when i just want to stay home, sort out my thoughts, and pen down stuff that happened over the past week… though i do realise that despite my “busy-ness”, i managed to blog everyday during the past week! *Pats self on back*.
Perhaps it’s ‘cos i’ve worked late most days and hence i didn’t really go out much… so had time to come home and blah all the stuff i wanted to say online.
It’s been a busy week.. but a happy week, career wise. As Iceman said, this is really quite a dream job of sorts for me… heh… no complaints really. 🙂 (If only my would boss agree to help me get season parking. I mean, after all the times i helped him fix his stupid laptop, u would think he would not say he was being biased if he helped me lor! :P)
So here i am… cup of Vietnamese coffee next to me, Hilda on my lap, trying to verbalise my rambling thoughts. Had an intense craving to “drink to my heart’s content” last night but it didn’t really happen. Think i ate too much during the day – coffees, curry puff, kuehs, nasi padang…. didn’t have much space left in my stomach. Yeah… nowadays, i drink better on an empty stomach. Haha.
I’ve been told a couple of things (about me) recently:
- I MM too much.
- I am overly defensive in the way i communicate with someone in particular
- I need to make sure that i’m not taken as a companion of convenience.
- I need to know what i want.
Thinking through all that has been said, i know the first 2 points are very true. Sigh. As for the 3rd point… hmm… i don’t think so lah. A friend of convenience would not change his plans to accomodate the “convenient” person right? ‘Cos that just would not be very convenient indeed. Heh. As for the last point… well, i still don’t know.
Regardless (please don’t EVER use IRregardless), that’s all 10 days old stuff. We shall see what happens… 11:55pm tonight onwards.
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