Dance like no one's watching

A lot of things been happening lately. Work – my boss and my colleague quit, so the past 3 weeks were madness. All the phone calls & viewings started coming to me, and that’s on top of the already hectic viewing schedule i was juggling with.

Thankfully, a new colleague joined us last Monday. We get along really well and i think i’ll really enjoy working with her. My HOD has been pretty ok too so far. I like his style of working too so now it’s just a matter of getting settled down to a new jobscope and new working style.

During one of those many viewings i was juggling, i got to meet this agent, Clown. (“Clown” ‘cos he keeps me very entertained.) When i first saw Clown, i thought he was rather cute… but that was from far, not close up. Heh.. ok, that was very complimentary but it’s the truth. Through the 3 viewings i had with him, he gave me a good impression – except that he smokes.

About 1.5 weeks ago, Clown asked me out. I didn’t agree but we did exchange ICQ UINs. After much persistence, i finally did go out with him – and we have been out 4x since then. I find myself very attracted to him. To what exactly i can’t tell. Yeah, i could cite the usual benchmarks about clicking and so on.. but i guess ultimately, you just can’t quantify attraction. Moreover, whatever he has done to impress me, while i believe he’s not just doing it for the sake of getting a gal, i still cannot be sure? I suppose one can never really know another person unless you get to observe the person in a group setting, to see how he interacts with other people. Strange thing is that Clown is quite quiet in front of people he isn’t familiar with, though he is extremely chatty with me.

I’m sure some good Christian friends must be wondering now – is this guy a Christian? Yes, he is a believer but he doesn’t go to church anymore. (This is the part where warning bells go off right?). We’ve talked about God and i believe that Clown will return to church in God’s timing. What about his smoking? Isn’t that really bad? It is… even i myself called him a “chao smoker” when i first got to know him. Well, to his credit, he is trying to quit and has cut down a lot.

The greatest thing that is bugging me now is that the more i am attracted to this chap, the more i am bugged about someone else. Once upon a time, it did cross my mind whether it’s due to my impatience when it comes to relationships that i 等不到 my “dream guy”. But then again, how do you know when you have moved on?

Too many issues to consider. I’m still praying about this. Will you pray for me too?

Recently, a guy friend of mine shared with me that he had the same “touchy” experience like i did at the movies. He went out with this gal (a very platonic friend he swears) and she apparently got a little too close for comfort. She allegedly grabbed his arm a few times, and even leaned her head on his shoulder.

Now, i seriously don’t know why he’s complaining. This gal isn’t bad looking, and don’t guys always say that they appreciate it when gals make the first move?? So why is he so unnerved by it?

Sigh… the only conclusion i can think of is that guys just don’t mean what they say. All they tell u about how they like gals to take the initiative? It’s bullshit ok? Guys still have caveman mentality… if they don’t get to hammer the gal on her head & drag her back into their caves, they just don’t feel shiok.

It’s tough to be a gal.

Happy Birthday to Jukebox & Gymer.

Jukebox, may you always be close to Jesus and here’s wishing you every blessing He gives.

Gymer, thank you for the lovely BBQ. You have been a fantastic friend and listener through the years. May you find someone that’ll bring you happiness soon.

Happy Birthday guys!

One of the last songs (or was it the last? I don’t remember… Zounds do u recall?) that F.I.R. presented on Sunday was, Love*3. A very chirpy song, totally different feel from the two above. I really like the playfulness of the song. Lifts my spirits everytime i hear it! (Yeah, it’s made it to my handphone ringtone! :P)

love*3

歌手:f.i.r 专辑:无限

填词:f.i.r.编曲:奥斯卡

跟我说love love love
大声说love love love
有一天这世界会为我改变
跟我说love love love
love love love
紧握住我的双手勇敢的say it
i love you

闭上了眼睛勇敢的前进没有时间害羞
也许你不懂就是没把握但请别怕心动
因为爱有一种你猜不透的温柔
相信我靠紧我别问为什么

幸福一靠近阴天就放晴跟我一起遨游
一个不小心雀跃的心情已经洋溢心头
因为爱就是你可以任性的理由
相信我靠紧我那就这么做

这世界寂寞太多别吝啬一句问候
是谁说制造浪漫是种罪过
看着我不用多说什么有你最懂我

love love love love love love
love love love love just be with you
love love love love yes i love you
紧握住我的双手勇敢的say it
i love you

And no, i’m not hinting that i’m going to go up to anyone and declare my love… haha. Just wanted to share some nice songs. But this is an indication as to what songs i’ll be singing at my next KTV outing… 😉

(Disclaimer: once i’ve memorised the lyrics.)

The last F.I.R. song is heh… a song i hope i can find someone to sing to someday. (I like the music / instruments used a lot!)

you make me want to fall in love

歌手:f.i.r. 专辑:f.i.r.(飞儿乐团)

you make me want to fall in love
作词:f.i.r.
作曲:f.i.r.
编曲:terence teo

我愿用我有限
的永远

交换曾经快乐
的泪水

穿越不安地带
穿越所有危险
来到你身边

*我有时相信美丽
的预言
却又不想如此
心甘情愿
直到你的出现
才了解这一切
因为你而改变

#you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~
也不管明天会如何
只要今生有你左右
陪着我不再寂寞
you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~
瞬间也可以是永恒
只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中

repeat *,#

就算岁月带你走
就算距离淹没我
还是一直守候着
我会永远为了你存在

repeat #

只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中

I encourage all to get their album. 🙂

I’ve been rather disgruntled with my Nokia 6260 smartphone. Not only is it not very smart, it’s really slow and suicidal too (keeps hanging)! Was considering selling it off, as well as my trusty 6230, and getting a 6230i in their place. Zounds pointed out that that would be a minimal upgrade… but seriously, the 6230 has all the features that i want, except for a lousy screen resolution. Hence with the 6230i, i would have all the features i want, plus an even better camera than its predecessor, and with better screen resolution too! The only drawback is that with the 6230i, i won’t be able to log onto mobile ICQ & MSN anymore. And i’ll have to give up my wish for a flip design phone.

Zounds then recommended me the Sony Ericsson’s K750i ‘cos it purportedly has a good camera… but i found the design too manly. What caught my eye was the SE Z520i. The design is exactly the flip type that i’ve been looking for! Unfortunately, the Z520i doesn’t have expandable memory which means its MP3 function is worthless really. (http://www.sonyericsson.com/spg.jsp?cc=sg&lc=en&ver=4000&template=pp1&zone=pp&lm=pp)

After comparing the 6230i, Z520i, K750i and so on, i can only draw 1 conclusion – mobile phones are like men… substance & looks – u just can’t have both.

🙁

No worries… am not in a sad mood. Just felt that it was time to share about my 3rd regret, which is sort of like a combination of the first two…

When i was in TJC, i used to IRC quite often. I used to chat quite a bit with this senior of mine, Lancer. Our paths didn’t cross much in school so we barely talked much in person. But almost every nite, we would chat on IRC. Perhaps it’s precisely ‘cos we didn’t see much of each other in school that made it easy for us to share our thoughts on issues that arose, and our feelings on problems we encountered.

After Lancer graduated from TJC and went into the army, his visits to IRC became more irregular. A year passed quickly and i entered NTU. By then, i had almost stopped IRC-ing completely and thus my friendship with Lancer faded into virtual oblivion. I always told myself that one day… one day, i would get Lancer’s email add from mutual friends so i could add him on ICQ. Actually, i could vaguely remember his email add but somehow this huge procastination stopped me from doing something as simple as a search for Lancer on ICQ.

About 3 years later (i think), i was shopping with azure 1 day when we saw Lancer at Citylink mall. We were both walking quite fast in the opposite direction but when i walked past him, i stopped in my tracks, turned around and exclaimed to azure, “That’s Lancer!”. It was so silly… i actually momentarily forgot his real name and remembered only his IRC nick.

At that moment in time, i was really undecided between running after him to say hi, or to just continue towards Suntec. As his figure disappeared quickly into the crowds, i once again told myself, “Oh well, doesn’t matter. I’ll just look for him on ICQ.”

Sadly, a few months after that, i received a call from azure one night & learnt that Lancer had passed away. That was in Nov 2001. Lancer died of a heart attack while studying for his exams. Azure & i attended Lancer’s wake… we seemed a little out of place there ‘cos we were the only ones not from his clique of friends. But i thought the least i could do was to pay my last respects.

(GASP! I just recalled something! Last week, i saw this guy and thought he looked real familiar… somehow i knew he was from TJ… and now that i’m writing about Lancer, i remember that that guy was a the same table as azure & me at the wake and he gave us a ride home after that!)

Since then, whenver i bump into someone i know, i always ask myself this question – will i regret it if i don’t go up to say hi to that person? Sometimes even if i know just saying hi will not resurrect the friendship, i think it’s still worth touching base… ‘cos it’s really just about letting the other person know that you care even if both of you live in completely different worlds.

There is still 1 old friend that i’ve not contacted for some time now. He’s my good old brother, Scorpio. Scorpio’s another TJ senior that i grew close to over IRC. I remember he treated azure & i to dessert (twice) & Kenny Rogers when he came back to visit us while we were studying for our ‘A’ levels. Oh… he bought me chocolates too to encourage me to study.. haha. (Azure – do u remember this? When Scorpio came to visit us in JC, i was having some remedial maths lesson in the old old LT – LT3 or 4 i think… and u met up with him first, then paged for me and i rushed down once my lesson ended?)

Ok… all talk and no action is no good! I shall contact Scorpio again within the next week. Sure hope he hasn’t changed his mobile number! I think we last met like 2 years back? 🙁

That said, i actually had a very fulfilling past week. Work wise it was quite jam packed with deadlines & viewings… but i’m very glad that in spite of the “hectic-ness” of it all, i managed to meet up with 2 good friends, Adam & Jukebox. I also finally dropped by Airbus’ place to collect the birthday presents he bought for me from the US. (THANK YOU!!) Met some colleagues at salsa last night, and had a really good time with Iceman tonight, downing 2 pints of Hoegarden at Blooie’s & watching Shrek 2.

It was rather stressful juggling my time… but in retrospect, the satisfaction is more than worth the stress. 🙂

I just did something really really evil… i sort of tricked Adam into revealing the URL of Superman’s blog to me….

What happened was that Adam told me that Superman found my blog interesting and had a link from his blog to mine. As usual, the kaypoh part of me kicked in and i wanted to read what Superman wrote in his blog. I asked Superman this afternoon if i could have the URL but he said declined saying that some stuff were too personal. I didn’t persist and let the matter pass. Nevertheless, i must add that i was really really extremely totally deeply flattered that someone actually thought my blog was worth reading.

Then just now… as in JUST now, Adam sms’d me to ask if i’ve got the URL of Superman’s blog. I just replied, “nope”. Adam promptly logged onto the Internet and sent the URL to me. I deliberated for a while… should i go see his blog? In the end, curiousity got the better of me and i did.

Saw a short entry where Superman gave his comments about my blog. Very very pleased because it was a huge encouragement to me…*floats away to cloud 9*…. ‘cos this morning, Iceman commented that he finds it amazing how people can share about their personal problems so openly. His statement made me wonder if i should perhaps tone down on what i write… it made me question if it was wrong to blog about personal issues?

Anyway, i think i’ll keep up with this ‘cos it’s a good avenue to air my grievances & pet peeves. Oh yeah, back to Superman’s blog. Why i just gave him the nick Superman… ‘cos i’m SO impressed by the number of things he gets done! This guy is like a super athelete, plays the piano, is starting a KTV routine, dances salsa, has a good reading list, and goes on road trips?! Mind blowing! I’m totally bowled over by his new year resolutions and his progress on them. Gee… i feel ashamed at how i just keep whining about my poor grasp of traditional Chinese when i see the progress he’s made!

So i’m like totally impressed now. I found Superman! If Superman gives permission, i’ll like to do a link from my blog to his too!